#1 - ballads are extremely hard to pitch. Everyone body's janitor writes ballads. you gotta think mid to up tempo.

#2 - the lift into the hook is good, but then it seems to 'drop' into the chorus. they want lift to soaring choruses.

I think the problem with the lyrics are:

- is it is in past tense. That makes it 'distant' from right here, right now

- you start in first person "I" and switch to third person "we"

- it contradicts itself:

"Looked in all the shells but did not find that pearl
But in my heart I knew where it would be
And it was there sitting right next to me" - how can it be sitting next to you when you are travelling the world?

I like the chorus, and the hook. Here's my suggestion - be a soldier coming home. Tell us one story of one person surviving the odds to come home to the person he loves.

Vikki Flawith: Songwriter/Composer, Singer/Voice Teacher

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