The problem I see with the lyric is this:

The story has an obvious moral. You get it from the first verse. All the second verse does is repetitively preach it as if we didn't get it the first time. You need a story that keeps the listener interested, and if the moral of the story is self explanatory you don't need to clarify. Skip the "we". Stay in the first person and tell us more of his adventures.

The second issue, after the double verse/chorus, the song should have a bridge to change it up and lift it into the final chorus. This lyric just repeats the second half of the first verse. Nothing new to keep you interested.

Here's a model of this song concept done right - from a few years back and Tennessee rather than Kentucky, but it was the first hit version that came to mind: http://www.guntheranderson.com/v/data/pleaseco.htm


Marty my home

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again!