JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 3 on hold

Good for you!

Now, especially because the 2nd running of the chorus is slightly different,
I refer to it as the OUT-CHORUS. . . and because that section, that Chorus, ENDS the song.

Also I just noticed that you are applying attention to detail because you noticed I dropped the MY before Aladdin Song as the Chorus begins.

Now . . . for a really important part.
The song opens with a line that is only a partial line that doesn't mean anything without line two. . . and what's worse, it is rhyme-dependant.

Honey I don't mind how your hair
Is turning gray what's left of it

It's almost like cheating, but I know it isn't deliberate.
Each line should be MEANINGFUL ON ITS OWN even if it links to another for completion. You don't want a line that is just HANGING, like a dangling participle in grammar.

So rather than me just re-work it for you. . . keeping all the best of what's there hopefully . . . . see what you can do first.
Remember that words are a dime a dozen so don't be afraid of change
or to throw one away.
The creative potential of your soul, your word flow,
is an endless river. . . when your heart is right
so don't be afraid of throwing something away, or putting it aside.

AND in whatever you do, think of the rhythm that RHYME adds.
Think Bob Dylan, no matter how serious the subject matter is rhyming was impeccable because he knew that rhyming gives the lyric musical cadence.

The first verse is going to have to establish THE RHYME SCHEME.

Nothing wrong with the "grey hair" idea . . verse just needs work.