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Poignant. A hundred million workingmen can identify.

I wonder if keeping the wife on his side would be better. Part of the 'support' system that comes into play when the rug gets jerked.
"Yeah, my wife's the only thing keeps me from drinkin'"

Needs more 'hits' on THE Hook, the Title Line.
Maybe Repeat in each Chorus, and close with a Coda of Repeats.
Keep it short. Keep it simple. It says what it needs to say.

See if you need all those 'And' openers for Lines.
Singers often don't enunciate the a and n, leaving the d sound to slur into the next word.
'Cos' ('cause, short for 'because') is another 'connector' word we use when writing, to connect Ideas Line by Line.
But the listener gets the connections, more often than not, even without those words.
Taking those words out of the mouth of the singer leaves more space for enunciation of all the other words.

Foothills Folk Society in Chillicothe, Ohio, where the paper mill just shut down, has a first and third Wednesday open mic.
They start about 6:00 at Crosskeys Tavern and try to finish up by 10:00, because, they say, "It's a working man's open mic."
The working man learns what Momma always says, "You can't go to bed when you 'want' to, and get up when you 'have' to."
Otherwise you'll be singin' the blues all day.

ok, lots of good stuff to work with here, I just edited out some filler words. For some reason , not sure why, maybe I heard it in a songwriting class or maybe I just figure out that using the word "I" is just not that powerful because then it feels like the song is centered on you instead of the listener. Or I could just be crazy.....LOL



Blue-Collar Blues

they closed the factory down
tore the heart from this town
the union in their pocket, the deck was stacked
watched our jobs move on down the tracks

I worked the night shift for thirty-odd years
Now most nights you’ll find me here
My life went south when I lost my home
Cos last month the Union Bank foreclosed

Chorus:
I got working man’s in my veins
That drives this heart within me
And I gave my sweat to the job I lost
For all the good it did me
nothing worth a damn to show for it
And nothing much left to lose
Just one more man left behind
In the land of blue-collar blues

Yeah my wife left when I started drinkin’
In a dark place with too much time for thinkin’<<<<great line
Tryin’ to drown out all the voices in my head
And find a reason to get out of bed

I set up a side by side version of rpirone's origninal, and Kay-lynn Carew's edited version, to see, Line by Line, how they 'worked'.
But when I posted it all jumbled together.
Shorter Lines seem to work better in my opinion.
But I can see this Lyric presented as a 'recitation', the Singer-Character 'narrating' his story in the Verses, in which style longer Lines could work.
For Song purposes, a singer enunciating to a Melody, shorter Lines are probably preferable.

I got working man’s in my veins

Opps that should have said "I got working man's blood in my veins"

sorry 'bout that