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ASCAP & AI
by John Lawrence Schick - 06/27/26 02:31 PM
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Riot Fest
by Gary E. Andrews - 06/21/26 10:51 PM
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,037
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,037 |
Hi Beth,
I'm very late for the party, here's my take:
- the song's overall very good; a lot of great lines; words very wisely chosen both for their meanings and their sounds = lyrics that shouldn't be a problem to be set to compelling music.
- now, here are the lines I'd try to beat (not that I'd be right doing so):
"With pain bought and paid for": lots of "p"s in your text, all very good except the one for "paid", I don't know why, that could be just me
"I call you when HE falls asleep": that makes the gal too unfriendly imo, waiting for - and maybe helping with pills, lol - her man to innocently go asleep and then grabbing the phone. Maybe something less active, like "think of you", something along that line would soften the situation a bit. Here again, that could be just me.
Apart from these little nits, I think you've written great lyrics with that one. Take care,
Yann
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Entire Thread
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"A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Beth G. Williams
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06/01/09 03:49 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" -- need help with title, at the least!
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Colin Ward
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06/01/09 04:18 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" -- need help with title, at the least!
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Beth G. Williams
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06/01/09 04:50 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" -- need help with title, at the least!
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Calvin
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06/01/09 12:23 PM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" -- need help with title, at the least!
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Colin Ward
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06/01/09 02:27 PM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" -- need help with title, at the least!
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Beth G. Williams
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06/02/09 01:19 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" -- need help with title, at the least!
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Wyman Lloyd (D)
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06/02/09 02:56 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" -- need help with title, at the least!
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Beth G. Williams
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06/02/09 06:47 PM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" -- need help with title, at the least!
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Colin Ward
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06/02/09 08:22 PM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" -- need help with title, at the least!
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Joe Wrabek (D)
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06/02/09 10:23 PM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" -- need help with title, at the least!
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Vicki Shields
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06/03/09 04:48 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" -- need help with title, at the least!
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Stephen Kerry
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06/03/09 05:56 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" -- need help with title, at the least!
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Ricki E. Bellos
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06/03/09 06:09 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" -- need help with title, at the least!
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Beth G. Williams
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06/04/09 07:28 PM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" -- need help with title, at the least!
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Beth G. Williams
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06/04/09 07:19 PM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" -- need help with title, at the least!
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Beth G. Williams
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06/04/09 03:41 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" -- need help with title, at the least!
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Beth G. Williams
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06/04/09 12:10 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" -- need help with title, at the least!
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Joe Wrabek (D)
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06/04/09 12:36 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" -- need help with title, at the least!
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Beth G. Williams
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06/05/09 02:05 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" -- need help with title, at the least!
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Beth G. Williams
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06/03/09 06:58 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" -- need help with title, at the least!
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"Tampa Stan" Good (D)
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06/03/09 12:03 PM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" -- need help with title, at the least!
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Beth G. Williams
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06/03/09 08:06 PM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" -- need help with title, at the least!
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Beth G. Williams
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06/05/09 01:01 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" -- need help with title, at the least!
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Beth G. Williams
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06/01/09 05:56 PM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" -- need help with title, at the least!
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"Tampa Stan" Good (D)
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06/01/09 06:57 PM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" -- need help with title, at the least!
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Beth G. Williams
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06/02/09 04:37 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" -- need help with title, at the least!
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Joe Wrabek (D)
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06/02/09 05:01 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" -- need help with title, at the least!
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Beth G. Williams
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06/03/09 06:50 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Gary De Asi
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06/04/09 04:46 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Beth G. Williams
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06/04/09 05:12 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Randy P. Gendron
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06/04/09 01:59 PM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Beth G. Williams
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06/05/09 02:28 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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"Tampa Stan" Good (D)
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06/04/09 06:05 PM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Joe Wrabek (D)
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06/04/09 07:18 PM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Beth G. Williams
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06/05/09 07:51 PM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Randy P. Gendron
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06/06/09 12:49 PM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Kolstad
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06/06/09 02:33 PM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Beth G. Williams
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06/07/09 03:50 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Rick Maines
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06/07/09 04:15 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Beth G. Williams
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06/07/09 11:43 PM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Beth G. Williams
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06/07/09 04:13 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Beth G. Williams
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06/05/09 03:21 PM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Randy P. Gendron
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06/05/09 04:40 PM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Beth G. Williams
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06/06/09 09:35 PM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Randy P. Gendron
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06/07/09 01:24 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Kristi McKeever
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06/05/09 03:54 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Beth G. Williams
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06/06/09 09:24 PM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Michael Zaneski
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06/07/09 12:37 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Douglas Murphy
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06/07/09 01:14 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Beth G. Williams
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06/07/09 07:34 PM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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in2piano
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06/07/09 07:56 PM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Beth G. Williams
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06/09/09 03:56 PM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Joe Wrabek (D)
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06/09/09 05:50 PM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Joe Wrabek (D)
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06/07/09 09:07 PM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Beth G. Williams
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06/11/09 01:01 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Drifter (D)
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06/11/09 02:03 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Beth G. Williams
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06/11/09 06:27 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Drifter (D)
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06/12/09 03:12 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Letha Allen
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06/11/09 02:23 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Letha Allen
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06/11/09 03:10 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Beth G. Williams
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06/11/09 06:42 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Patti Smith
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06/11/09 06:59 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Beth G. Williams
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06/11/09 05:37 PM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Beth G. Williams
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06/07/09 06:35 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Terry G
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06/09/09 08:35 PM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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Beth G. Williams
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06/11/09 06:14 AM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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yann
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06/11/09 02:53 PM
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Re: "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?
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"Tampa Stan" Good (D)
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06/11/09 03:45 PM
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