JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 3 "A Change In the Weather" --Changed back to Gal POV --better?

EDIT 8/3: Due to majority rule (and ultimately my own sentiments), I have switched this back to the female POV. It seems I had made a lot more changes going the other way, but I guess this'll do in a pinch.

Whaddya think?

Beth

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Happy Sunday evening, everyone!

All these songs about the WEATHER I've been reading today gave me the extra incentive to finish off a song I'd started a while back. Still, I'm not sure if the title is the best... Any thoughts on that, as you wade thru it, would be appreciated....

Also, I'm going to call on you fellas for some additional insight. I had first written this from a female POV, but then I was thinking, hmmmm, it could work for a male POV too, with some simple modifications. PLUS, I still feel a bit badly about making poor Moker sing "Snippety Snip" way back when, so I thought it was time for a guy song.

So the question is...does it work from that standpoint? Or does it just sound like a girly song with a couple of changed pronouns?

All comments welcome, as usual!
Beth


“A Change In The Weather” -- Rev. 8/3
© Lyrics 2009 Beth Williams, BMI

Watching the rain pour
With pain bought and paid for
I pray for the eye of the storm
A moment of peace
A hopeful belief
The landscape will somehow transform

But the wind is too strong
It pulls me along
This slippery slope is so steep
Don’t have what it takes
To put on the brakes
I call you when HE falls asleep

Can’t kiss you
Just miss you
My sleeve is a tissue
You’re right not to pick up the phone
No more “one last time”
Final price for our crime
Gotta wipe the slate clean here at home

I sigh, back to bed
Eyes dry, a bit red
I slide in til HE and I spoon
Not fully awake
HE reaches to take
What I gave you that first afternoon

Temperatures rise, in spite of it all
Perhaps I can pick myself up from this fall

Can’t kiss you
Still miss you
But guess that’s my issue
Take baby steps, feel a bit better
When I realize the cost
Of what could’ve been lost
At last there’s a change in the weather