Hi, Beth. Jes' thoughts:

"Smokey jazz" would be nice (not sure about the $500--I'd let Alex keep it). Myself, if I were doing it (I do *not* have a girl voice), it'd be country music. I think country is overlooked as an expressive medium, and it'd work real well here. Remember the classic definition: Pain You Can Dance To.

The hook not showing up till the very end is fine--because everything else leads up to it. People are going to remember it, even though it was only mentioned once, and at the very end, *because* everything else led up to it. They'll feel like they heard it over and over again, even though they didn't. It's a good trick, and you done good with it.

The sort-of stilted language just reinforces (my opinion, again) the uncomfortableness of the situation. I think it works good.

People going swimming on beaches in Maine reminds me of the "Polar Bear Clubs" that insist on going swimming in the icy waters of the Pacific on New Year's Day. Last time I visited Maine (friends in Lubec) was in June, and I regretted, all the time I was there, that I hadn't brought winter clothing... At least here on the Pacific Coast, it sometimes gets up into the 60s in summer.

Joe

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