JPF Home Page Forums Week 51 MP3/Lyric Pick: "The Memory Police"

Hi Donna,

I think my biggest issue with this is that I don't feel that the chorus is strong enough. I, personally, want you to use that chorus to tell me more about the memory police and how they're affecting his life. I feel that as it stands now, the information that is in the chorus is information that could be used in the verses to help lead up to a more powerful chorus.

Also, I almost feel like you talk more about the fact that he's a painter than you do about your hook. I read through this a few times and that's mainly what I take away from it.... he's a sad painter who drinks to drown the pain but I don't know what is causing the pain, etc.... I see some of the details there but I think they come a little too late in the song.

There seems to be a bit of a conflict also - you talk somewhat about him missing his wife and child and it driving him to drink, but then in the last verse you say...

The bottle or the breakup
Not clear what came first
Once he hungered for love
Now he lives for his thirst

So I want to think that he drinks because of the bad memories (which goes with your hook, I think) but this verse leads to wonder if the drinking caused the breakup and the bad memories... In my opinion, I need this to be more clear.

I also see conflict between verse 3 and the bridge....

He goes downstairs to sit by the phone
Drinks from the bottle when he thinks he’s alone
Sometimes he sings
...But the phone never rings

Here it seems that he's waiting for someone to call, he is hungering for company or conversation or something... but in verse 3 you imply that he no longer cares about love, he lives to drink.

All in all, I'm just not getting a clear message from the song - even though I feel that you had some great lines here - the first two lines of verse 1 are very clever. The hook itself is a good one also, in my opinion. I think you could make this a stronger song by rearranging some of your lines, adding some detail, and taking the song in one direction.

Just my opinion.

Heather