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Lot Long
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/10/26 11:20 AM
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 395
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 395 |
Hi Bobbie, Sorry for being so late on this one, but I been a bit busy lately. Either that or just lazy. One or the other. ![[Linked Image]](http://www.justplainfolks.org/ubb/biggrin.gif) I'm probably going to completely frell things up here. I liked Bob's suggestion for the chorus, but I wanted to take a second look at it: "What really matters most in life Isn't always what you see It's not often on the surface But somewhere underneath" The second two lines are really saying the same thing as the first two lines. Hmmmm...but I don't think it matters since this is the chorus. Back to that... "Richness isn't what you have It's the things you give away" (maybe: "what you have doesn't (don't?) make you rich/it's the things you give away" - "richness" kinda bugs me. Sounds more preachy or something - can't quite put a finger on it, but it don't sound natural) "A smile, a hand, a bit (touch? - would relate to "hand") of love All come back to you someday" (got rid of "those" - it's funks up the flow for me. "What really matters most in life Isn't always what you see It's not often on the surface But somewhere underneath" Looking at this again, I'm not sure the top part belongs with the message delivered in the second part. They sort of 'knock boots', but not quite. This may be part of the problem. "The things you have don't make you rich It's the things you give away A smile, a hand, a touch of love All come back to you someday And that's what really matters" Personally, I think these five lines would make a suitable chorus. I realize "things" repeats in the first two lines, but it seems to work in conversational way. I understand the title and it's need to be included in the chorus, but check this: "The things you have don't make you rich It's the things you give away A smile, a hand, a touch of love All come back to you someday" Short and to the point. Saying 'that's what really matters' is a bit like an afterthought or something you might say after you've told somebody what you think. Preachy? Maybe a little, but I think it's more redundant. More like the thing you don't need to say. Sort of like saying "I have an opinion about this and now I'm going to tell you what it is." I'll have to get back to the verses later today. My boss says I have to get SOME work done today..lol Bob the hobes
hobes
"Every time I sit down to write a lyric, when I stand up I feel three pounds lighter" - Alan Jay Lerner
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