Hi Bobbie, I came back and and copied and pasted your lyric to a word doc and started to really look over it. I was pleased to find that there really wasn't much I wanted to tweak. I guess on the screen it just looked really long, but when I set out to condense, I found it all belonged there. The chorus tripped me up a bit and if I were writing this, I may have done this:

CHORUS:
What really matters
Isn't always what you see
The shiny outer package
Sometimes can deceive
WEALTH ISN'T MEASURED
BY WHAT YOU POSSESS
BUT BY THE THINGS THAT YOU SHARE
A smile, a hand, a bit of your love
SHOWING SOMEONE YOU CARE
And that's...what really matters

but that's JMO....

In the second verse, there were just a couple of suggestions I had.

**A new Beemer drove up as I drank from my cup**
And parked by a old Chevrolet
With scowls on their faces and not a hair out of place

**I tried to tweak the above line because I don't think you were really getting the point across with the scowls and hair thing. I think lots of folks wear scowls and are particular about their hair. I tried something with "They couldn't force a smile, but wore the latest style" but couldn't get it to flow to the next line.**

And little between them to say
But that look in their eyes was hard to disguise
And they sat far apart as they could
**The man lost his patience with the overworked waitress**

**"curt" just seemed a bit unconversational.**
Though it was clear that he misunderstood

I loved everything about the third verse and it epitomizes the person I aspire to be, and really think I am.

Beautiful message Bobbie, and this really needs to be heard. Best of luck with it and keep us posted with the progress!

[Linked Image] Tink

The Artist formerly known as TINK ;\)

I write so I can breathe...

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pageartist.cfm?bandID=29337