Late to the show as usual. (-:

Wow, Bobbie, what a terrific piece this is! You probably have already repaired whatever nits have been discussed, but I found no problem with any of the meter. I've pretty much accepted that my "head tune" vs. yours doesn't matter. The musical composition and arrangement will generally address what SEEMS to be meter issues.

For a commissioned work, this is pretty dang solid! It's one thing to write something really well because it comes from inside YOU, but to be given the assignment of writing on a particular topic, well that's another matter and you have certainly risen to the occasion.

My only suggestion is in the last verse. I think I'd change it, slightly, to read:

"She was gigglin' and grinnin' and laffin' at him
As HE grabbed the backside of HER jeans."

This shows a little interaction on BOTH their parts, and is also more likely how such a scene would appear, He grabbing HER backside. Just my opinion, of course.

I really like this a lot. Expecting big things from you!

Greg

If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding.