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Lot Long
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/10/26 11:20 AM
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Joined: May 2001
Posts: 2,891 Likes: 6
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 2,891 Likes: 6 |
Hi Bobbie I think this song has bags of potential so I printed this off last night so that I could have a good look. As far as meter goes I think that the third verse (with a big windshield......) & climb are bang on the button, the other verses should be mapped to this. I wasn’t 100% sure about the meter in the chorus, however I would be tempted not to tinker with this too much. I’m assuming here that the last line (and that’s......what really matters) is stand alone. I (like Blake) wanted to swap ‘sometimes’ & ‘can’ in the fourth line. The first line of the second verse has a different rhyming scheme to the other first lines, perhaps “As I sipped from my cup a new Beemer pulled up” might do it. Second climb: First line is brilliant. I think the last two lines need more of a build up, how about: His wife peered down her nose as she flicked the fake rose Then cast critical eyes over the place I could see she was sure the local folks envied her I wanted to tell her that wasn’t the case. Good luck with this one Bobbie Nige ![[Linked Image]](http://www.justplainfolks.org/ubb/smile.gif)
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