Howdy Bobbie. The detectives have really given some great thoughts on this one. I see the "Grand" has gone out of the canyon line - which was one thing I would have suggested. The 7th line of each verse has the internal rhyme and in Verse 1 thought:

"The waitress brought me a pot and left the whole lot" would give that in that verse, but then thinking about it "brought me a pot" may mean something else, but might still work.

In the first climb - I thought "beautiful" flowed better than "delightful", probably sing easier - not sure.

I'd question the misunderstood line as well since it's not clear what was misunderstood.

The second climb: the rose that "bloomed" in the vase. Since it's fake I don't think it would be blooming... maybe "that filled up the old plastic vase", or 'That sat in the old plastic vase'. Again, really minor nit.

I would have mentioned the "envy" line, it seemed a bit long, but Michael has a good fix there.

That's about it from me. I didn't read the other comments too thoroughly so maybe these have already been covered.

It should work well for a performance song, although there have been a few of these good message songs lately that have done really well on radio, so you never know.

Good luck with it. Cheers, Judy

[img]http://www.geocities.com/moody_joody/Lasting_Lyrics.html[/img]