Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.
By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
|
|
|
|
Lot Long
by Gary E. Andrews - 11/10/26 11:20 AM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 884
Top 500 Poster
|
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 884 |
Bobbie,
I liked this so much that I took up your call for help and came up with the revision below. I don't think I've changed the tone at all. The chorus may have gotten remetered somewhat, I don't know if that's a problem. But I think I've stayed pretty true to your original story, and tone. The "peered down her nose" line is still problematic, but you HAVE to keep "flicked the fake rose" - it's a terrific phrase! I hope you like it, that it helps or is at least food for thought.
(deleted)
[This message has been edited by Michael Thomas (edited 08-26-2001).]
|
|
|
|
We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.
|
|
|
Forums118
Topics129,176
Posts1,186,193
Members21,480
| |
Most Online236,505
Jul 1st, 2026
|
|
|
"Do not endeavor to be the smartest kid in a dumb class. Instead, you are better off being the dumbest kid in the smartest class, where you will be challenged and you will learn. If you aren't growing, you are dying." -Brian Austin Whitney
|
|
|
|
