Hi again, Bobbie. I feel I owe you and this lyric a real critique. It wasn't right for me to post what I said without giving you one. So here goes. This lyric is okay, but merely that. It's gonna need great music to help it more than a better lyric would. "Feel the fire" and "icy indifference" work with the hook, yeah, but they sound awkward in and of themselves. The chorus is good except for the "froze" line, which sounds awkward too. It's like you're being forced to say those things just to reinforce the hook.

I'd say "THAT I'd rather live without" in line 8. Verse 2 is the best part of the lyric, but "co-exist" sounds clunky to me. And the bridge is okay, but merely functional. A "what's gonna become of us" angle would work better, IMO.

So there ya go. By a "committee job", I meant the lyric had no real personality. It's a McSong, so to speak. Couch's lyrics are full of personality. But do they seem commercial? Very rarely. So yeah, you two are apples and oranges. I wasn't asking you to eumlate his style. I just think that his lyrics are often cohesive in ways that many lyrics I see aren't. They're just well put together, IMO.

Lastly, what is supposed to be gained by being given a two-hour deadline to write a song??? I realize that these workshops have time constraints of their own, but surely no one is seriously suggesting that writing a song in a fixed amount of time is a good idea. A song that's written by a deadline generally isn't going to be as good as something written with no deadline, I hope you would agree. Of course, there are always exceptions.

Anthony

P.S.: I forgot to tell you and dawg, but believe or or not, I *will* be coming to Pineyfest in June. I'll be staying at the Dickson Econo Lodge, just so ya know. I look forward to seeing everyone there!!!

Anthony's BeSonic site-- Open 24 hours!