Originally Posted by Pamela Bowne
Kimberly, Sweet song. But you're right about the 1st V, Maybe if you use a flower color instead of "sweet blue" maybe "violet" or "cornflower." Yes I do know the sweet has to go...I will think on it...maybe carolina blue eyes if it fits...;-) but then DUKE fans will hate the song..haha
I agree with Dottie, there could be more variety to the melody(s) V CH BR

I heard a few unneeded words, breaking the flow, Let the singer eliminate any unnecessary conjunctions or pronouns. Remember a note can be held and a pause is a musical note. I will see what we can do

JMO find another phrase for one of the two lines in the chorus that end in to me.

In the bridge "in the moon light' might be more compatible with midnight (the "mmm" "ite" sound spacing)

I hope I don't sound sharp with all these comments, but I have always
admired the completeness of your critiques and I do think this is a great write. KOS

Pam







Not sharp at all Pam, and thanks for the compliment on my critiques. I try to be helpful though some may take it that I am telling them what to do or being too critical. I am just going by my gut instinct when I hear it or read it. I am glad you liked it for the most part. It is still in its new phase.-- I hope when we post it again you will check it out-- Kim

*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
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