JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum Beneath Alibis

Hi Guys

There are some really good things going on in this song. It has one very important aspect "Nice Feel"

The fact that your getting those critiques and thinking about a demo means your serious and want to perhaps do something with the song. That means the word "hit" or "hit potential" comes into play.

In that case I don't think the songs ready to demo yet.
By the songs end I was starting to get a feeling for it's chorus ya know where it may stay in my head. That is normal but while the chorus was close it jut didn't nail it home for me.

I'm gonna go to a second listen now.....

Okay quick note on lyric On my list of lyrics I run away from is the word "Dew" it sits behind "Strife" on the list
Man unless the song is "Mountain Dew" that word is just to blah for a hit song. Or unless your Alan Jackson and wrote it, then you can get away with dew, strife, rose gardens, beckon,

Also it sets up the rhyme with "you" so obviously, like using "blue" too soft for a first verse and unknown writers.. Say something none of us can predict so easily.

Okay next - The chorus while well crafted just doesn't cut through. The clarity! I mean we understand it but still is a bit vague for a pitch song. Maybe not vague but it's lacking "Edge"
It not only feels a touch lacking in resolve "Singing/musically but also lyrically. No twist no turn that felt effective enough.
Staright off the bat for the chorus doesn't want to sing so powerfully "Beneath Alibis" hmmm... The singer in me probably would have had to sing "Beneath the alibis" perhaps..

I know how hard it is, so I sympathise. And it's so much easier to pick at this then to sit dfown and resolve it or make it happen.
I just feel like your not setting up something for people to gravitate or connect with quite enough.

It could be started with getting more action in those words maybe

Beneath the alibis
Between loving and leaving

These are all some good lines but there not rewarding each other enough, which is just another way of making them more effective with each other, paying off for being in there.

Ahhhhh! I found something! A key to pivot off of
To me this is the most relatable group of lyrics in the song

Your love turned into cheating
My faith turned into doubt
Somehow you turned into someone
I’m better off without

Ya know what? sing that in your chorus...

The verses are too similar in a way... I think the second one could be first, it's STRONGER fresher and doesn't have the word "dew" in it

Yeah I'm sure of it, your bridge is your chorus... I know but.. but what about the title and the whole rest of the song? Your screwing us all up buddy!!

Well if we unknown writers want a song that's gonna make some artist push there own off there record, every darn thing in it has to be strong and count. At least try that till you just give up, you'll have way lesser songs but i promise they'll be much more effective.

You can always keep and do your orig version, but here is the start of yet another draf of an optional song...

While your sipping morning coffee
Set your pretty head at ease
When starlight greets the skyline
I'll be in Texas and you’ll be free

I'll wake up in the morning
And finally faced the truth
I’m not saying I won’t miss you
_ ___ ______ __ ___ ___

Your love turned into cheating
My faith turned into doubt
Somehow you turned into someone
I’m better off without
Between the loving and the leaving
The answers and the lies
___ ____ __ ___ _____
Beneath the alibis


If your gonna use that title or end hook really try to give it a purpose for being there. With your brige is the only time I'm feeling the emotion of a person fed up and done with the alibis
Run with that best you can...

Keep working on those hooks too, make em so there's no hesitance about them. Is that a word even? lol

All all the best & luck in the world.
Thanks in advance for being so professional and cool about folks tearing into your hard heart felt work. Again I understand completely how all of it feels.

Mike