Originally Posted by Dottie
This is a collab with Terry Morris; it's been through a LOT of changes musically and lyrically!! I think we've sent it in for at least 5 pro crits so far and we are getting close to the demo stage. I would love to have your opinions on all aspects of the song and lyric before we demo it. This is just a work tape, Terry has some really cool licks in some of the takes but this is just an acoustic version. Thanks!!


http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?q=hi&songID=10551124

Beneath Alibis--for me, I think BEHIND HER/THE alibi's works better, for a couple of reasons, there is the I sound in behind and alibi's and it makes a nice internal rhyme and I have never heard the expression or understand beneath alibis'...someone hide behind them, but I am not sure about beneath, but if none of the 5 pro. crits mentioned it, what can I say? I may be wrong, been wrong plenty of times before. laugh


Dottie Corley & Terry Morris
© 2011

V1
When the moon hangs over the bayou
Before the sunlight tastes the dew- I feel that singing of the words tastes the dew, loses something.. though a pretty phrase, I think it could be missed by the listener and it's too nice an image to miss, what about before the sunlight or before the sun nips at the dew? just an opinion
I'll be leavin' Mississippi
But I won’t forget about you

Pre-chorus
You’ll wake up in the morning
At the dead end of my dreams

Chorus
Beneath alibis--I can see here perhaps you are using beneath due to the waking up in the sheets? maybe say beneath THE alibis..or beneath YOUR alibis?
Between love and leaving
Between you do and you don’t
Your smiles WOULD put out
My fearful doubtS
Until I realized
The truth you were hiding
Beneath alibis

V2
While your you're smile sipping morning coffee
Set your pretty head at ease
When starlight greets the skyline
I'll be in Texas and you’ll be free



Pre-chorus
I’m not saying I won’t miss you
But I finally faced the truth but finally, I faced the truth, to take out those two F words next to each other?
Chorus

Bridge
Your love turned into cheating
My faith turned into doubt
Somehow you turned into someone
I’m better off without

Chorus

Tag
Beneath alibis


This is really very very pretty. I had a few suggies though I doubt they count for much if the others in your crits. didn't mention them, but its how I see it..but I am not a pro..so ... :D--Good luck with this one, it really has a lot going for it. I think you know Dottie I always am pulling for you!! Kim

*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!**
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