Hi Lucian,

That's not me being touchy, it's me being preachy! Sorry. I focus more on lyrics because I feel they are the most important part of the song. For me, it's about a 75/25 split between lyrics and music, but that's just me. So I tend to nit pick the words and their meaning and how they sing together. In this case, even without a clear understanding of the meaning.

When I sing along to your song with the lyrics the way I suggest, they sing much smoother, but that has to do with my phrasing, which is obviously different than yours, but that's OK. Since I couldn't comment on how to improve the substance of the song, since I wasn't sure I understood it, I concentrated on the words and how they could be improved. If the ideas don't suit you, it's fine to ignore them, but I was just trying to contribute something to this thread and that was my 2 cents.

"All I was trying to say is perhaps it is better to judge other people not from the way you write but from the way they write and judge a song on the sum total of its collective merits"

This would require much more than I am capable of. I'm not inside your head. Most times, I'm not even in my own head:) I can try to walk a mile in your shoes but after a few steps, I would no doubt be back at my own pace and stride. I figured that was human nature but maybe it's just me being narrow minded?

In the end, we all want our intentions understood and don't want to have to explain ourselves but have to accept that sometimes they aren't and sometimes we have to.

Ricki

http://www.soundclick.com/rickib
http://soundcloud.com/rickib
http://www.stoneybeachmusic.com/index.html

One door closes, another opens