well gee Stan...
I WAS going to stay out of this...but you begged for female opinions...

and I gotta say...I think couch's lyric is head and shoulders above yours.
I'm not crazy about a few facts in his... ie the cop drinkin on the job..and/or ignoring the dude...
but his lyric flows.... I can sorta hear the music to it already...
and frankly...if someone had said it was penned by Toby Keith..was his latest single released on radio...I would have believed it. it's right up his style. (and I'm not a big fan of Toby Keith either)

Now your lyric..on the other hand... does NOT flow smoothly...
is mainly a history lesson made into a poem.
as couch has said about a few or your lyrics lately... it's a poem... but doesn't seem like a lyric to me. Certainly doesn't sing well for me.
and no...I do NOT get a big kick out of it.

I KNOW you can write a good lyric.... I've read a few of them...
but.....

this ain't one of them...in my opinion

Harriet
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=24419

http://cdbaby.com/cd/ames

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkGHmJQ-ODU