My first reaction is yeah, that may help the "abbreviated" feel you have going and you've also inserted some "story" --running........which implies some action. You could then maybe in last chorus contrast or build on that action by saying something to the effect, "I never needing to run?" Give listeners a way to identify with lyrics when being expressionistic. You not writing a detailed song, but think of giving the lyrics some glue. I think it is always a cool challenge to "say very little, yet, say a lot." Simple and clever is a good think IMO with lyrics. Sometimes just tweaking one line in a song can make a strong impact.......

steady-eddie