JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum Life Line

Hey buddy

Good to see ya around and posting too. Nice job on all of this. Lots of good lines in this song and a great live song feel.
A few edits in the lines or the way it's sung to get it across smoother. You know that already though.

For pitching purposes the song feels more like an album cut then a single, not to say it couldn't be a crowd favorite for some superstar in concert. It has the live, big jam, blues ways about it. But ya know they have these types stacked up so it's even harder to pitch it.

To increase all opportunities and get even a better song, you'll need to put on the "producer hat"

This is a great line by the way.
a tattoo’d misfit angel without a ring

With this type of song I always feel the unexpected works best, the most effective thing is not to give to much of what you think is coming.

I would try in your chorus to pull these two lines marked in red..

I'm gonna need a Life Line
sometime tonight
& a wing man to keep her friends
occupied
so we can slip away 'til the light o' day
and get to the bottom of this
got a feeling to find out what's blowin' my mind
I'm gonna need a Life Line


1- The lines don't do a whole lot for the chorus. There purpose being there isn't supported enough.

2- It takes that chord change away sooner!! That's the biggie, I want that pattern to change, it's in the verse it's back in the chorus cool, but it's one too many.

3- Address the last line of the chorus when you try this. The opening to the chorus is wonderful. And "The friends occupied" is GREAT line man. Love it.

Make this chorus finish off as strong as it started musically and lyrically. Harder than it sounds I know LOL

Really liked the pre-chorus. You have great musicalness about you, and band experience USE IT here.
Work out some dynamics and feed into this kind of song. Lets hear it stop and do a scale climb up or down. Lets get a breakdown hand clap thing going. Lets think Foghat Live "Slow Ride - Fool For The City lol

If this song belonged to like "Los Lonley Boys" you'd be in great shape. But like EVERY other band they don't do other peoples song. This song has a band vibe to it or like I said that Country Pop guy's live jam song.

Good work Moke, keep at it.
Mike