HI Ladies,

This is a very compelling story. A good job by both of you. A couple of suggestions - keep or sweep:

Somebody in line 1 could be more colorful if it were the Goodwill or her grandma or ???

Self-determination means freedom. You might want to substitute her own determination.

Musically, my ear wants the chorus to resolve to the one chord at the end.

Story wise, it makes me wonder how she did it. Maybe a line of the bridge could explain - scholarship, perfect grades, etc. etc. Takes more than just determination to become a judge from that background.

Good luck with the pitch!!

Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/