Hi Sharla & Janet ... nice to meet you smile
Wonderful collaberation! Such an inspirational story. Great movie/video material... Wish you much success ..
Here are a few of my thoughts .. take 'em or leave 'em wink

I think you are really close. You have gotten some good suggestions.. I agree on possibly adding melodical "rise" in the chorus to add to what you are saying.. either to the melody or maybe even with a harmony when you finish it up.. I definitely agree with the whittling down on some of those lines.. less words often make it easier for the words to roll off the tongue in addition balance out the meter from line to line/verse to verse... but then again.. i am a meter freak! lol crazy
An example of what i mean .. keep or sweep, grin

SHE GETS READY dresses FOR SCHOOL IN CLOTHES SOMEBODY GAVE HER 12
THE BUS PULLS UPIN FRONT OF HER RUN DOWN HOUSE TRAILOR 12
SHE'S GREETED BY LAUGHTER WHEN SHE TAKES HER SEAT 10
BUT SHE'S BECOME AN EXPERT AT TURNIN THE OTHER CHEEK 12

FROM THE FIRST GRADE OF SCHOOL SHE WAS LABLED A FAILURE 12
CAUSE HER DADDY'S SPENT A LOT OF TIME WITH THE COUNTY JAILER 12
AND HER MOTHER mama WALKS THE STREET FOR THE DRUG MONEY to get what SHE NEEDS 10
HER INNOCENCE was HAS BEEN TAKEN AWAY, stolen BY HER PARENTS GREEDS 12

I enjoyed listening..
All the best
Joanne