Hey Mark,

What a well written and solid piece of songwriting. I won't comment on the lyrics/melody any further, as I think they're spot on, as well as the vocal delivery.

This song is crying out for dynamics and overall presentation.

Suggestions would be.....

Lighten up on the lead, perhaps only to give a lift here and there. Probably only at the end of a phrase.

Drums are dead, and need replacing to give foward momentum, mood and dynamics.

B/v's could be more emphasised to complete phrasing.

Acoustic could be given more tops, and again it will move things along.

A light string line would help the harmonics.

Piano line is a little clunky, maybe take it to a higher inversion, or use a brighter patch.

All in all a really good wite, and really worthwhile working up further.

cheers, niteshift

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