Lynn:

Thanks for the tips on the vocals. This is all stuff I really didn't think about. Mostly, I focused on not trying to sound like an idiot.

I wondered about the "Cold angry silence" and "talking and talking some more" lines. I was trying to show the cycle of the silent treatment and then rehashing the same futile arguments over and over. I wanted to show a contrast - silence and talking, neither one really working. I'd like to find a wording that keeps both the silence and talking...

The two lines in the chorus seem to be the biggest problem. I think I originally had a much wordier pair: "Any more promises we're going to break" and "This really ended a long time ago."

Those lines flowed better, but they didn't leave any space in the chorus. I tried to cut them down, but I think I cut too much...although, for some reason, "This ended long ago" seems to flow better than "Promises we'll just break." The accents are in different places, I guess. I like your suggestions, and I'll definitely rework these two lines if I record this again. That extra beat does seem to make the lines flow better.

Thanks for the detailed critique.

Mark

"In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not."
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=756982