OK, folks. Looking for constructive feedback on what works and what doesn’t. It’s a revised version of something I wrote a couple of years ago. I’m almost embarrassed to post it, because the pop-rock genre is so far out of my usual wheelhouse. I have a possible collaborator, but don’t want to hand him a piece of junk.

My concerns:

- Is the theme too heavily expressed for pop-rock?
- Is the implied chronology of events too vague (i.e. man in love – woman lied – left him for someone else – man struggling to get over woman)?
- Is it too wordy?
- The overall metering is consistent throughout, but the rhyme scheme in the first four lines of each verse is not. Would this be problematic in the genre?
- Is the lyric – or any part of it – salvageable? Or should the whole thing go into my ‘nice try but no cigar’ pile? wink

V1
Wherever I turn
I’m back in that night
When you held me close
In the candlelight
Your eyes were aglow
But the truth was no longer in sight

Pre-chorus
Not my choice
But I still hear your voice
…Every direction is you

Chorus
My heart took a beating
..Now it's black and blue
Bruised all over
Yeah, bruised all over
Bruised all over
…Because of you

V2
Wherever I turn
I’m still in your web
I can feel your breath
And your mystery
Your eyes were aglow
But the man in your mind wasn’t me

Pre-chorus
Not my choice
But I still hear your voice
…Every direction is you

Chorus
My heart took a beating
…Now it's black and blue
Bruised all over
Yeah, bruised all over
Bruised all over
…Because of you

Bridge
Oh, the day will come
When your spell’s undone
…I’ll meet a woman whose heart
Is fierce and true
…No more colours of betrayal
Like the ones left behind by you

Chorus
My heart took a beating
…Now it's black and blue
Bruised all over
Bruised all over

My heart took a beating
Now it’s black and blue
Colours of betrayal
…Left behind by you

© 2026 Donna Devine

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