Originally Posted by Kay-lynn Carew
Soon forgot about you, was glad to forget, then came the night.


Verses should have the same number of lines, since your chorus is so long, keep the verses to 4 lines cus the listener just wants to sing the chorus. Just my opinion.


"strife is a weird word" (smile)

Thanks for the listen and the feedback Kay-Lynn.
Appreciate the compliment on the chorus.

As for the number of lines? I don't disagree that, that is a song writing rule of thumb.
But I don't have the same level of concern for that in this particular song.

This singer is a guy with something to say about something weighing heavily on his mind. He is opened up and bleeding into a microphone.
He doesn't care about anyone's rules. He cares about delivering his passion and getting his points made. It's organic and not looking to be refined.
If a listener is going to stay with the song, it will likely be the overall tonality, the singer's passion and some similarity to their own life... that keeps them interested.

"Strife" is not weird to me. Maybe I'm weird...but I wrote the lyric. wink

My next iteration of the lyric will be a country song and female singer.
I'll do a version of that modified to follow your suggestion closely.

Thanks again for bringing an enticing concept to this site..."Same time, Same dream."

Marty

https://soundcloud.com/sunset-poet-of-texas