Originally Posted by Paul Churchfield
Thank you for taking the time to reply. Great comments.
I actually pondered dropping those ands. They do seem to muddy up the articulation.

The only reason I kept them was because (sadly) that is how I actually talk. So, it was conversational. I think I might just try a recording sans ands. Update soon.

Question: Are you saying that my line that starts with Cause would be better with Because, or scrap the whole word?


Thanks again!

'Because/'cause' is a 'connector' word, connecting the Line before, 'explaining' the reason for the thought in that previous Line.

It doesn't need 'connecting', 'explaining'. The Line reads the same in its significance to the other Lines in the Chorus without 'cause/because'.
The listener doesn't need it to get that 'connection'. It is apparent that the thought in Line 4 is akin to the thoughts in Lines 1, 2 and 3.

First Draft
From the bottom of my heart I love you
And I never wanna be apart from you
I been trying everything I can to reach you
Cause I miss you in my life

Second Draft
From the bottom of my heart I love you
I never wanna be apart from you
I been trying everything I can to reach you
I miss you in my life

Now consider your 'Structure'.
Verse I
Which might be counted as the first six Lines. The two 'Stanzas' comprise Verse I.
Or, a Songwriter might consider them as two 3-Line Verses, Verse I and Verse II.
However you comprehend them is your judgment call.
They are very 'stylized', short Lines of Lyric and Melody, almost matching identically. I would expect Line 3 to be Rhymed with Line 6.

Whatever I did
Whatever I said
Whatever it was that made you wanna stay away (The 'a' vowel in Line 3 could find a 'Hard Rhyme' for Line 6.)

Whatever you feel
I know that it's real
If you wanna talk to me I'll be right here

(Rhyme is a 'tool' for making a Lyric 'memorable' to the listener. Nursery Rhymes employ it for children with limited vocabulary, enabling them to get the Rhyming sounds, the enunciation of words they don't know, hitting the beat, the Rhythm of the Rhyme. Memorability is a desired condition for a Song. If they remember the words you may get them singing along, by the end, and 'earworm' hearing it and singing it after the Song ends.)

Structure:
After those six Lines you go to the Chorus.
You get there within the first minute, about 55 seconds, which is strong. Your Introductory Movement was about 24 seconds. It could be shorter and still serve that function, 'Hooking' interest, getting them listening to see what the Intro. is, and keeping them 'Hooked' until the Verse commences. A too-long Intro. can lose a listener, who has drifted off to other thoughts by the time the Verse commences.

After the Chorus you employ an Instrumental Bridge, a variation of the sounds that came before, perhaps a Repeat of the Introductory Movement.
This 'new' or 'Repeated' component should renew listener interest, 'Re-Hook' them or sustain the 'Hook-Factor' previously established. They keep listening.

Then you Repeat the Chorus, and end at about 2:32. Nice short Song.

Another Structure would be to duplicate the 'Whatever' Stanzas, emphasizing 'Whatever' as your chosen Title. A Title is generally THE Hook, the memorable concept which summarizes the Storyline of the Lyric. It is generally in the Chorus, and the last Line of the Chorus is a strategic position, left ringing in the listener's ear as the Chorus ends. "I Miss You In My Life" could be the Title.

But 'THE Hook/Title' needs Repetition to emphasize it in the mind of the listener. A minimum of three times is recommended, and more is stronger.

You could write two more 'Whatever' Stanzas, matching the syllable count and Structure of those first six Lines.
That would emphasize 'Whatever' as the main idea.

Following those you could Repeat your Chorus, and a Coda, a final Musical Movement, to end.

You might still end at or not much more than three minutes, a nice short Song. Simplicity works well in Song.

There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com