8 members (bennash, Guy E. Trepanier, Bill Draper, VNORTH2, Deej56, Fdemetrio, Everett Adams, 1 invisible),
908
guests, and
253
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.
By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251
Top 500 Poster
|
OP
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251 |
Here is a tune I wrote inspired by a buddy of mine who loses more battles with his inner demons than he wins...... Hope you like... https://soundcloud.com/fredchoatemusic/80-proof-reality-worktape80 PROOF REALITY Fred Choate/ Sonny King 2013 VERSE 1: He knew she’d left for good this time and he tried to kill the pain He broke that empty bottle against the wall The shattered glass reminded him of why she couldn't stay He couldn't blame her or hate her at all CHORUS: HIS CLOUDED MIND KEEPS TELLING HIM TO HAVE ANOTHER DRINK HIS BROKEN BODY TOO TIRED TO DISAGREE THE HAZE OF ALCOHOL AND SMOKE REPLACES COMMON SENSE HE'S IN TOO DEEP, HIS EYES TOO RED TO SEE HE LOVES HER, BUT LOVE JUST CAN’T COMPETE WITH THIS……80 PROOF REALITY VERSE 2: She’d been living with the charming ways of Old Jim Beam The amber lust that kept him out all night Promises fall to the side another reason for her to leave She can’t beat it, she’s giving up the fight CHORUS: HER CLOUDED MIND WAS TELLING HER “GIVE IT ANOTHER WEEK” HER BROKEN HEART TOO TIRED TO DISAGREE THE HAZE OF ALCOHOL AND SMOKE CAST SHADOWS ON HER DREAMS SHE’S IN TOO DEEP, HER EYES TOO RED TO SEE SHE LOVES HIM, BUT LOVE JUST CAN’T COMPETE WITH THIS……80 PROOF REALITY BRIDGE: THE MORE HE TRIES TO DROWN THE PAIN THE MORE PAIN HE FINDS TO DROWN SHE CAN’T JUSTIFY THE WAY HE WANTS TO LIVE SHE’S LEAVING HIM A BROKEN MAN BUT SHE CAN’T BARE TO TURN AROUND IT’S JUST WASTED TIME, SOMETHING HAD TO GIVE *INSTRUMENTAL BREAK* CHORUS/TAG: THE HAZE OF ALCOHOL AND SMOKE REPLACES COMMON SENSE THEY’RE IN TO DEEP, THEIR EYES TO RED TO SEE THE LOVE’S THERE, BUT LOVE JUST CAN’T COMPETE WITH THIS…..80 PROOF REALITY
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 5,581
Top 50 Poster
|
Top 50 Poster
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 5,581 |
Hey Fred,
I realized I haven't had the good fortune to meet you yet so a belated welcome to JPF. As for the song, the lyric 'tis a fine one and the production is top shelf. Thanks for sharing. I enjoyed the listen.
Stevie
I'm the only person here who is not unique.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251
Top 500 Poster
|
OP
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251 |
Thanks Stevie...much appreciated Sir
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 9,003 Likes: 1
Top 20 Poster
|
Top 20 Poster
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 9,003 Likes: 1 |
FRED--
YOU HAVE A REAL DRINKING SONG IN THIS ONE--MY DADDY HAD THE SAME PROBLEM; IT CAUSED HIS DEMISE--
I WAS FROM THE SAME MOLD; BUT WITH HELP, IT'S NOW HISTORY--BUT I WRITE A LOT OF SONGS IN THE SAME VEIN--
THIS ONE HAS A GREAT MELODY AND BELIEVABLE STORY--
I KEPT WANTING TO HEAR: LEARNING TO LIVE WITH EIGHTY-PROOF REALITY!
WRITE ON--
Mackie
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 9,003 Likes: 1
Top 20 Poster
|
Top 20 Poster
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 9,003 Likes: 1 |
FRED--
LIVINGSTON SOUNDS GREAT--REAL GOOD ACOUSTIC PICKING--MOST OF THE NEW SOUNDS IN COUNTRY, HAVE LEFT FOR DIGITAL PLATEAU--BUT I STILL DIG ACOUSTIC GUITAR!
WRITE ON--
Mackie
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 2,899
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 2,899 |
Fred, I am one of the few who like an evolving chorus to help tell the story. It is one of the few places in a song where you can stay with the thought but update it or show a different point of view. They say some producers don't like that, stay with the same chorus for familiarity. BULL.... tell your story and this is a great example. Forgive me, but I am going to bump "Give Her Away" back up and you'll see how I used the chorus as a time line. Great job man!! :))) scotty
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251
Top 500 Poster
|
OP
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251 |
Thanks Man!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 8,318
Top 20 Poster
|
Top 20 Poster
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 8,318 |
Fred, this is really good. I found the bridge to be somewhat of a letdown, especially line 3 and 4.
THE MORE HE TRIES TO DROWN THE PAIN THE MORE PAIN she finds to leave SHE CAN’T JUSTIFY THE WAY HE WANTS TO LIVE SHE’S LEAVING HIM A BROKEN MAN SHE CAN’T BARE TO TURN AROUND (this line should be about the whiskey and what it cost her) IT’S JUST WASTED TIME, SOMETHING HAD TO GIVE (This line could be way stronger, IMHO)
I hope this helps. Best of luck with it. I really like the title, too.
Tricia
P.S. This would make a great duet song.
"Grits is one of those country-boy words that is both singular and plural-like deer, elk and sheep. I think the singular is appropriate when there's a modifier that makes it clear one is talking about something specific. Like, 'Grits are good for you, but these here grits is tasty.'"~~Joe Wrabek
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251
Top 500 Poster
|
OP
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251 |
Thanks for the comments. I will look closer at the bridge. By the way, originally, this was going to be a duet, and it still may turn out to be that. Glad you liked it
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985 Likes: 22
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,985 Likes: 22 |
Fred,
Nice song you have here. Good lyrics and good melody. I also like the arrangement, but think the strings need to crescendo a bit more in places--at times they compete with the piano--both have their areas in other words. I really like your bridge--wouldn't mind hearing some harmony there to accentuate the desperation there. In places the vocals might need harnessed slightly--mastering would catch that, but always best to tweak before if possible.
You have a good one here, I really enjoyed it. Nice write!
steady-eddie.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251
Top 500 Poster
|
OP
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251 |
Thanks Eddie. I will take a look at those strings and vocals.....vocals are not my thing, and harmonies even harder for me, but I am getting better
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 572
Top 500 Poster
|
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 572 |
Hey Fred- I love this song. If I were mixing, I would cut the strings and hire either a pedal steel of fiddle player, and this song could be a top notch contender. The pain in the lyrics hits home no matter who sings it, or how it's played. Every time we push play on our recorders, and set out on our writing journey, we all hope to wind up at a destination like this. Very well done-Bobby
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251
Top 500 Poster
|
OP
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251 |
Thanks Bobby....strange enough as it sounds, there are no local steel players here in Billings that I can find...I have several tunes that I want to put steel on too Thanks for the comments and the listen. Glad you enjoyed.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 572
Top 500 Poster
|
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Sep 2012
Posts: 572 |
Hey Fred- Do you record at home? If you do, I have a friend that is the utility player in Rascal Flatts. He would add the part for you.He would send his part back to you as a Wav file, and then you just import it and line it up in your project. His steel parts are impeccable. Drop me a PM if you would like his info-Bobby
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251
Top 500 Poster
|
OP
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251 |
I do and that would be pretty cool. You can contact me privately at fredchoatemusic@gmail.com
Thanks Bobby
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 2,704
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 2,704 |
I think this song might be more powerful if it was written in the first person. It would paint the singer in a less-than-flattering light, but it would be more heart (and gut) wrenching. The music is almost too pretty for the subject matter. I like the line in your introduction about "a buddy of mine who loses more battles with his inner demons than he wins." That (or a variation thereof) should be in a song somewhere.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251
Top 500 Poster
|
OP
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251 |
I am currently putting together a duet in first person. I agree that it would be a bit more powerful, but it will decrease its commercial appeal a bit....I am just waiting for a female singer I know to free up some time and put a vocal on it. It will be slightly rewritten, and I am thinking about shortening it up just a bit musically as well. Thanks for the listen and comments
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 2,616
Top 200 Poster
|
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 2,616 |
Heart breaking subject matter but you've captured the pain, in the story, brilliantly. I agree it could make a nice duet.
Not exactly the same story but I just watched "Days Of Wine and Roses", again. One of my all time favorite movies about alcoholism.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712
Top 30 Poster
|
Top 30 Poster
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712 |
Leaving, alcohol, and country music make a terrible trio.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251
Top 500 Poster
|
OP
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251 |
LOL Jim.....I thought about using cotton candy, birthday parties, and rap, but I couldn't get my simple country mind to make it work.... LOL
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251
Top 500 Poster
|
OP
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251 |
Thanks Nelson
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,559
Top 200 Poster
|
Top 200 Poster
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,559 |
Really a great lyric here and a melody that blends with it perfectly. Beautiful job. Well written song all the way around.
Dave
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251
Top 500 Poster
|
OP
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251 |
Thanks Dave....check out the duet version I posted as well. I appreciate the comments
|
|
|
We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.
|
|
Forums117
Topics125,824
Posts1,161,931
Members21,470
|
Most Online37,523 Jan 25th, 2020
|
|
"Never accept no as an answer from someone not empowered to say yes in the first place." –Brian Austin Whitney
|
|
|
|