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I don't feel so uneasy posting this, having just read John Voorpostel's "It's an Old Sin." One "homiletic" is worth three "fraught"s and "coquetteish"es!


WE ALL GET THE LOVE WE DESERVE
©2005 Anthony Torres
All rights reserved

Thirty-something trophy wife out on display
Bored with yet another company soiree
Grins and bears it, thanks to her five-grand allowance
hidden each week by her richer half's accountants
She turns on her half-sincere coquetteish charm
Hanging off her inattentive husband's arm
Eyes the younger men while noshing on hors d'oeurves
We all get the love we deserve
Yes, we all get the love we deserve

Twenty-something woman turns on the porch light
Their eighth anniversary's here-- it's midnight
Her once-loving husband's not at home again
She knows better than to think he's out with friends
Turnabout's fair play, however, she's long known
Play she does, enjoying reaping seeds he's sown
He thinks either she's clueless or lacks the nerve
We all get the love we deserve
Yes, we all get the love we deserve

Some people marry a perfect Prince Charming
Some marry a fool and his money
Others will marry a pretty young flower
and then use one more to make honey
A vow is only as strong as its takers
They can both forget or forsake it
Some realize too late or not at all, that
love's only as good as you make it

Fifty-something woman had spent all her life
searching for a soulmate who longs for a wife
Suffered through two fiances and countless dates
fraught with all too many faults and harmful traits
Then she found a man who had the same sad story
Winding down a road of endless purgatory
Then they met, and Heaven shone 'round the next curve
'cause we all get the love we deserve
Yes, we all get the love we deserve

Twenty something housewife on her eighth wedding anniversery?????
Is this a song for Jerry Lee Lewis Anthony?
I think the age things are out of sync going from 30 to 20 to 50.
Metre is not condusive to a sing yet.
Graham

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http://www.soundclick.com/bands/2/grahamhendersonmusic.htm

Think ya got a SLICK One goin' here, Anthy...felt like a "Hotel California" Eagles Cut--

Needs to read a Scosh Smoother'd be my Only sorty-nit.

Lemmie showya:

"Twenty-some woman turns on the porch light/
8th Aniversary's here..Midnight/
Once-lovin' husband's not home again/
She's not so dumb t'think he's out with friends/
Yet Turnabout's fair, she's long known/
So Play she Does, reapin' seeds he's sown/
While he thinks she's clueless or lacks the nerve/
We all get the Love..we deserve
(Repeat) (K-O-S)

GREAT HOOK & Concept, Bro...now start Condensin' this Excellent bit of Wisdom, & Good Luck with a Good'n..."KUDOS" in advance, Amigo..WELL-Said, just IMO wordy about it.

Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

Wow Anthony!

Great premise... dunno how true it is... but I still like it!

Stan's right, there's a lot of words. Not necessarily a problem though. My head singer was thinking kind of a spoken-word poetry song like Sean Mullins' "Rockabye"... if you keep all these words.

I think you're onto something here! Best o' luck with it!

"Uncle" Chuck

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http://www.soundclick.com/bands/athabaxtra.htm
http://www.chuckcrowe.com

Sorry, Uncle Chuck..but I think the notion here is spot on.
At least in my life...

Trouble is, the lyric is just too cute....

Instead of going directly to the premise, it just seems like an attempt to show how clever Anthony can be...

I'd lose just about all of it...think about it for a week or two and then try and do the idea some justice !

Bob Young

Well since the pros staked out the end points, I'm just gonna say I was here

Graham-- The meter seems okay to me, though some of the words may be a mouthful. "Twenty-something" implies a woman in her late 20's, so an eight-year marriage is entirely plausible. 20 + 8 = 28. Thanks for your thoughts as always.

Stan-- This does look like a good candidate for condensing, glancing at it after a week away from it. I may take a fine tooth comb to it at a later date. Thanks for stopping in.

Chuck-- So good to "see" you after so long. I'm not familiar with the song you named, but I could see as being something Leonard Cohen could talk/sing. Thanks for lookin' and likin'!

More later,
Anthony

Hey Anthony

I like it all as is, don't see this as being too cute, not in the least. Could easily say late twentyish lady...really not the combo of aloof/reality to be leonard cohen thing, sounds more like Jackson Brown to me.

Hi Anthony,

Nearly there Anthony. Great vignettes though you could probably shave two lines off each verse and leave more space for the melody to breathe without losing any of your message.

The bridge is too long (I'm assuming that's an 8 line bridge.) Jason Blume says 2 0r 4 lines per bridge. He should know. If you rewrite it, consider a reference to those people who DO play by the rules. Weave in a reference to them getting the BEST rewards because of their honesty. That would make a great contrast to the other players in this song. It would also be truer to life, since everyone knows that not everyone is out there cheating on their cheater. Consider rounding out your wheel and it will roll smoother.

Lastly, this one almost has TOO many players in it for the listener to keep track of. I don't know what to tell you about that. It's a good write. Maybe just TOO much of a good thing?

EDIT: Another thing Jason said the other night at the N.S.A.I. songwriter's workshop was: "K.I.S.S." which he said stands for

"Keep it simple and sing-able!"

Hope this helps. :-)


Good luck, it's a great start!

Stan

[This message has been edited by LyricMosaics (edited 01-30-2005).]

Bob-- I think I'll ask you via e-mail in case you don't see this, but can you elaborate on what you mean by "too cute"? I think I know what you're getting at, in which I'm mostly guilty, but I'm just wondering. I'm sorry this wasn't your cup of Earl Grey, but I thank you for commenting.

John-- Your attendance is duly noted. Thanks!

Ritt-- Jackson Browne, you say? Okay, fair enough. Yeah, it's a bit direct for ol' Leonard. Thanks for the "not too cute" review.

Stan-- I was wondering if anyone would say there were too many characters in this lyric. There's just two in each verse, though, FWIW. I usually write 8-line bridges in my AABA-structured lyrics, but if 8 is always too long, mea culpa. Thanks for the visit, as always.

Anthony

Hello Anthony,

Lots of words here , but I like it.
I really like this part...

Some marry a fool and his money
Others will marry a pretty young flower
and then use one more to make honey

See ya

Calvin

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewartmusic.htm

Thanks, Calvin! I like that part too.

Anthony