JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback A.I. Assisted Music Forum A Slow Kind of Fall

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Nobody cheated and nobody’s dying,
I guess you can say we got tired of trying.
We look at each other and it’s just not the same.
Both looking for causes, but no one’s to blame.

It’s a quiet kind of break, a slow kind of fall,
With no bridge on fire and no wrecking ball.
Our paths just went in two separate ways,
But we will forever share our yesterdays.

All those memories, shared through the years,
Now they just fade in a flood of tears.
Mourning the life, that we once knew,
Hoping for happiness when it’s all through.

It’s a quiet kind of break, a slow kind of fall,
With no bridge on fire and no wrecking ball.
Our paths just went, in two separate ways,
But we will forever share our yesterdays.

Our daughter was lost, and was so very mad,
She couldn’t understand, how I could leave her dad.
How do you tell her, the fire grew cold,
When “happily ever after,” is all she’s been told?

It’s a quiet kind of break, a slow kind of fall,
With no bridge on fire and no wrecking ball.
Our paths just went, in two separate ways,
But we will forever share, our yesterdays.

Now that we’ve made it to the other side,
I can honestly say I enjoyed the ride.
Though our titles have changed, we are still friends,
Just a different road, not a bitter end.

All our fences are mended; the marriage has long since ended.
The girls have moved on, living their own lives,
And we’ve all found that place where happiness thrives.
(break)
Not necessarily, a “happily ever after,”
but hopefully---- forever happy.
(whispered) Mmmmmm..... Forever Happy.

You could write a short-story with those characters and situations.
But for a Song I'd simplify it
I think THE Hook, the Title Line, would be stronger as the last Line in your Chorus.
And this could all be Verse I, with a Refrain Type Chorus, the Refrain "A Slow Kind Of Fall", as opposed to a Stanza-Type Chorus.
At 4:34 it may run a little long. It's hard to sustain listener 'Hook Factor' that long. Or was, in days of old. I'm not sure how people are 'consuming' music these days. Shorter is better for radio. Shorter may still be better for the Human attention span.
Here's an alternative format to put THE Hook as the last Line, a position more likely to stick in their heads as the Verse ends.

(Verse I)
Nobody cheated and nobody’s dying!
I guess you can say we got tired of trying.
We look at each other and it’s just not the same,
Both looking for causes, but no one’s to blame.
Our paths just went in two separate ways,
We will forever share our yesterdays.
With no bridge on fire and no wrecking ball.
It’s a quiet kind of break, a Slow Kind Of Fall.

(I like to delete 'But', 'And', and 'Cause' as Line openers. Usually the Line reads the same without them.)

(Verse II)
All those memories, shared through the years,
Now they just fade in a flood of tears.
Mourning the life, that we once knew,
Hoping for happiness when it’s all through.
Our paths just went in two separate ways,
We will forever share our yesterdays.
With no bridge on fire and no wrecking ball.
It’s a quiet kind of break, a Slow Kind Of Fall.

(Verse III)
Our daughter was lost, and was so very mad,
She couldn’t understand, how I could leave her dad.
How do you tell her, the fire grew cold,
When “happily ever after,” is all she’s been told?
Our paths just went in two separate ways,
We will forever share our yesterdays.
With no bridge on fire and no wrecking ball.
It’s a quiet kind of break, a Slow Kind Of Fall.

(Verse IV)
Now that we’ve made it to the other side,
I can honestly say I enjoyed the ride.
Though our titles have changed, we are still friends,
Just a different road, not a bitter end.
Our paths just went in two separate ways,
We will forever share our yesterdays.
With no bridge on fire and no wrecking ball.
It’s a quiet kind of break, a Slow Kind Of Fall.

(Coda)
t’s a quiet kind of break, a Slow Kind Of Fall.

Thanks for the critique Gary. Thanks for tightenning it up.

If I were choosing a Verse/Chorus to eliminate, to make it shorter, I'd eliminate the 'Daughter' Verse Verse III.
That keeps it focused on just the two people and their fading relationship.

I don't know who taught you that , Cuz, buts and ands are essential or the lines don't work

Buts and ands, are generally considered waste of words. It's how we speak. But for economy sake, its best to cut down on them.

But not to a point where you are not speaking English. Or, figure a different way to say it

I recommend that writers give it some thought.
Writers use those 'connector' words to connect their Lines, 'but'... sometimes they are not necessary. The Lines read the same without those words.
Removing those words sometimes unclutters the Lines in the Singer's mouth. Sometimes they're there for meter, the percussive Rhythm of the delivery of the Line. Sometimes they're not needed for that, and can be eliminated to good effect.
If the Writer gives it some thought they can make that decision.
The 'But' in question was in this Line;

But we will forever share our yesterdays.

After seeing it and thinking it could be deleted, as used in the original presentation of the Lyric, I rearranged the order of the Lines in the Chorus;

Our paths just went in two separate ways,
We will forever share our yesterdays. (Without 'But'. The Writer can decide. My point is to think about it AND decide.')
With no bridge on fire and no wrecking ball.
It’s a quiet kind of break, a Slow Kind Of Fall.

No 'Rule' is an 'always' Rule. But... a Rule can be considered as to whether it applies, if you 'know' a Rule.

'And' is a common one. But in the Singer's mouth the 'A' sound is often omitted in enunciation, leaving the 'nd' sound.
If the next word is 'I', the 'nd' tends to come out sounding like 'die'.
'Cause' (Because) is another common one, the Writer thinking they need to give the listener/reader that 'connection'.
Sometimes they do. Sometimes they don't. The Line will read and sing the same without it, and the reader/listener will 'get' the connection without that word's guidance.
I've seen Lyrics where every other Line opened with a connector, 'And', 'But', 'Cause'. That taught me the lesson and I was able to examine Lyrics with that perception, as to whether the Line read/sang the same, or read/sang better without it. I recommend that Writers examine their own Lyrics and decide for themselves.
It's the Songwriter's Judgment Call.

Just fixed all my typos.lol

And is used as a lead into to the chorus, but can be too.

And the walls came down...all the way from hell

Even Dylan used but. You can say what you want to, but.

I guess in verses without a purpose, they are wasted words.

Great critique Gary. Learning a lot from you. Lots to learn. Thank you.