Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.
By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
[VERSE 1] When we parted ways, that was long overdue. All we did was argue, there was no me and you. Years went by ,I found new love and moved on with my life. I quickly forgot you, and all the endless strife
[VERSE 2] Then came the dreams, from clear out of the blue. It had been years since I had even a thought of you. Dreams of you and me, endlessly embraced. You hold me tight, you kiss my lips, caress my face.
[CHORUS 1] Why couldn’t you love me! except in my dreams? Why must I be asleep! to see what might have been? Why couldn't you love me! out in the light of day. Why must I dream, to feel you love me this way.
[VERSE 3] As I sink into the pillow, uneasy is my night. I tell my mind, no dreams! but I know I’ll lose that fight. Lying there, I hear a prayer, gently stirring in the air Now I lay me down to sleep, It seems my soul is yours to keep!
[CHORUS 1] Why couldn’t you love me! except in my dreams? Why must I be asleep! to see what might have been? Why couldn't you love me! out in the light of day. Why must I dream, to feel you love me this way
[BRIDGE OUT] {softly} I surrender to these dreams. I can't help but want to stay. then daylight comes, and steals them all away?[img]http://https://drive.google.com/file/d/1mvQA1yQyYLva-ZaneKxOzP2Uti0zT8uQ/view?usp=sharing[/img]
Geesh you scared me for a minute there I thought you were talking about "me". hahhaha... are you talking about "same time same dream".. I'm truly honored you wrote your own version. That's pretty kewl.
Soon forgot about you, was glad to forget, then came the night.
Verses should have the same number of lines, since your chorus is so long, keep the verses to 4 lines cus the listener just wants to sing the chorus. Just my opinion.
Soon forgot about you, was glad to forget, then came the night.
Verses should have the same number of lines, since your chorus is so long, keep the verses to 4 lines cus the listener just wants to sing the chorus. Just my opinion.
"strife is a weird word" (smile)
Thanks for the listen and the feedback Kay-Lynn. Appreciate the compliment on the chorus.
As for the number of lines? I don't disagree that, that is a song writing rule of thumb. But I don't have the same level of concern for that in this particular song.
This singer is a guy with something to say about something weighing heavily on his mind. He is opened up and bleeding into a microphone. He doesn't care about anyone's rules. He cares about delivering his passion and getting his points made. It's organic and not looking to be refined. If a listener is going to stay with the song, it will likely be the overall tonality, the singer's passion and some similarity to their own life... that keeps them interested.
"Strife" is not weird to me. Maybe I'm weird...but I wrote the lyric.
My next iteration of the lyric will be a country song and female singer. I'll do a version of that modified to follow your suggestion closely.
Thanks again for bringing an enticing concept to this site..."Same time, Same dream."
Yeah usually it's a 6 line v1 then 4 line v2 to get to chorus quicker . Sounds good Marty. You could run a channel like this guy , its all AI songs
https://www.youtube.com/@dirkholstege
Thanks Ben. This blues version is the first planned song of a few iterations. I thought that blues was the most expressive way to express the lyrics, and I love the blues. Endomorphin drug.
The next iteration will be country with a female singer. I plan to trim and do some re-writing on both the verses and the choruses. Will likely even see how an AI will re-write the song. When finished, nothing stops that from also being processed as blues.
Marty, This sounds good, but I might lose the line in your 3rd verse. My heart won't listen..., the other thing that doesn't ring right for me is (what might have bean) shouldn't it be (what might have been) JMO Tex
Listening to this I realized SUNO and such is really a mechanism that largely allows people to make music for themselves that the world will never hear..and what people paid lots of money for in the past is now largely free It has democratized home music production\consumption ...in the moment music creation.
If a few prompts and a lyric ---even lyirc cab come AI...can produce something like this...
If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop
Marty, This sounds good, but I might lose the line in your 3rd verse. My heart won't listen..., the other thing that doesn't ring right for me is (what might have bean) shouldn't it be (what might have been) JMO Tex
Tx Thanks for the input. I am going to re-write some of the terminology for the "country" and "eislish-ish " versions. I'll put your comments on the agenda.
Regarding..."bean"...it is "been." I told SUNO to sing "bean" so that it would rhyme with dreams. Regarding..."my heart wont listen"...please explain your objection.
Listening to this I realized SUNO and such is really a mechanism that largely allows people to make music for themselves that the world will never hear..and what people paid lots of money for in the past is now largely free It has democratized home music production\consumption ...in the moment music creation.
If a few prompts and a lyric ---even lyirc cab come AI...can produce something like this...
Fact. If not for SUNO, I would have never spent the money that it would have taken to get this song to sound anything like this. And in spending the money, I would have been involved in all sorts of differences-of-opinion trying to arrive at something that sounded this good...which was spit out in seconds.
It's here. I say use it to the best of one's ability.
Why couldn’t you love me! except in my dreams? Why must I be asleep! to see what might have bean?<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<been Why couldnt you ever love me! out in the light of day.<<<<<<<<<<<<take out the word "ever" it's not needed Why must I dream, to feel you care for me this way<<<<<<<<<<<<why must I dream, to feel you love me this way
5 minutes??? I like where it's going, but .......... dude... it's long. Still love the chorus
Well, it has transitioned from blues to country and is still working towards being...something...of some length. Deleting chorus #3 and the outro would prolly trim it substantially...but I enjoy the sound when the chorus turns around on itself from 2 to 3. For me...endomorphin spike right there.
Why must I be asleep! to see what might have bean?<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<been "bean" is just a prompt telling SUNO to slant to dreams.
Why couldnt you ever love me! out in the light of day.<<<<<<<<<<<<take out the word "ever" it's not needed For me, not necessary, but "ever" adds a touch of extra aingst that I like. Disagree?
Why must I dream, to feel you care for me this way<<<<<<<<<<<<why must I dream, to feel you love me this way Yep. Your suggestion is clearly better. Thank you.
Marty, This sounds good, but I might lose the line in your 3rd verse. My heart won't listen..., the other thing that doesn't ring right for me is (what might have bean) shouldn't it be (what might have been) JMO Tex
Tx Thanks for the input. I am going to re-write some of the terminology for the "country" and "eislish-ish " versions. I'll put your comments on the agenda.
Regarding..."bean"...it is "been." I told SUNO to sing "bean" so that it would rhyme with dreams. Regarding..."my heart wont listen"...please explain your objection.
Marty
I find that all the other verses are a AABB rhyme scheme and your 3rd verse is a five line verse. Making it an AABCC rhyme scheme. I do not think it's a bad line at all and I can see how you would like to fit it in. As far as (BEAN) and (BEEN) you've got it in your chorus and it wouldn't hurt to have your chorus a different rhyme scheme than your verses. Bean to a listener doesn't hit right, maybe some might not hear that it just hit's my ears wrong. Good Luck
[quote=John Voorpostel]Listening to this I realized SUNO and such is really a mechanism that largely allows people to make music for themselves that the world will never hear..and what people paid lots of money for in the past is now largely free It has democratized home music production\consumption ...in the moment music creation.
If a few prompts and a lyric ---even lyirc cab come AI...can produce something like this...
Having said what I said up above... A lot of people can write songs. They are all looking for that idea that makes writing the words easy. Kay-Lynn's concept of only being able to meet in a dream in order to share a romantic love, is what is very special and very human here.
Thanks again Kay-Lynn. I'm having a wonderful time writing to this.
I find that all the other verses are a AABB rhyme scheme and your 3rd verse is a five line verse. Making it an AABCC rhyme scheme. I do not think it's a bad line at all and I can see how you would like to fit it in. As far as (BEAN) and (BEEN) you've got it in your chorus and it wouldn't hurt to have your chorus a different rhyme scheme than your verses. Bean to a listener doesn't hit right, maybe some might not hear that it just hit's my ears wrong. Good Luck
Years went by ,I found new love, moved on with my life.....years went by I moved on with new love in my life
And you don't need v3 at all IMO....maybe a unique one line musical\lyrical bridge instead?
This has Janis potential
Thanks for your input John, but disagree.
regarding my life, In my version the singer is slightly stumbling through her thoughts...to my ear...conveying emotion. Your lyric seems too matter-of-fact to me.
regarding V3, The purpose of V3 is to make the situation tangible for the listener. Seeing themselves in their bed trying to put some thoughts out of their mind...as everyone does. And to set up the punchline which is a play on a well known bedtime prayer. Musically, that "play" is not working yet.
I think there is a few places in the first two verses you could trim it down a bit, Can't fault you cuz I seam to do the same thing.
But her you go,
Years went by, I moved on with my life Forgot about you, and all the endless strife
Then the dreams came, out of the blue Been year since I'd even thought of you
In verse three, I know you're playing off a prayer but I might think it should be (My heart to keep) Also I would think that she would be looking forward to the dreams not trying to keep them from coming. JMO After all the last line of your chorus is, Why do I have to dream, to feel you love me this way?
I think there is a few places in the first two verses you could trim it down a bit, Can't fault you cuz I seam to do the same thing.
But her you go,
Years went by, I moved on with my life Forgot about you, and all the endless strife
Then the dreams came, out of the blue Been year since I'd even thought of you
In verse three, I know you're playing off a prayer but I might think it should be (My heart to keep) Also I would think that she would be looking forward to the dreams not trying to keep them from coming. JMO After all the last line of your chorus is, Why do I have to dream, to feel you love me this way?
Good Luck Tex
Thanks for your input Tex. Am gonna be going back to the song, on and off, over the next few weeks. Will try out some of your suggestions.
I tried to get a Billie Eilish-ish version for the lyrics, but after several attempts all I can seem to get is a stock 80's female pop sound with electric piano, that is bland and predictable. Below is the prompt.
2025 Current adult contemporary / pop song styling with young caucasian female vocal, ONLY GRAND PIANO ACOMPANIMENT, NO OTHER INSTRUMENTS, Ethereal, Dreamy, Freedom in vocal melody, Lots of air and some whisper-ish vocals, Use of falsetto, Sad and pensive mood
If anyone has any suggestions on the prompt. Am glad to take a look.
This is a duet. Music has more "groove." Likeable. Tweaked some lines. Song is just under 4 minutes, but I'm good with it. Robots dont wanna stop singing at 3 to 3.5. I'm good with letting them go on. They scare me anyway. https://suno.com/s/OekliLhesYHHpRCX
This is a duet. Music has more "groove." Likeable. Tweaked some lines. Song is just under 4 minutes, but I'm good with it. Robots dont wanna stop singing at 3 to 3.5. I'm good with letting them go on. They scare me anyway. https://suno.com/s/OekliLhesYHHpRCX
This is a duet. Music has more "groove." Likeable. Tweaked some lines. Song is just under 4 minutes, but I'm good with it. Robots dont wanna stop singing at 3 to 3.5. I'm good with letting them go on. They scare me anyway. https://suno.com/s/OekliLhesYHHpRCX
I tried that. SUNO ignored it and produced a long song anyway. I like this song as it stands. - I think that this blues-country blend is my fav of the bunch. - https://soundcloud.com/sunset-poet-of-texas/251231-except-in-my-dreams It tells the message that I have in mind in a mood that works...which is a slow BPM...which lengthens it. To my ear, this male vocal sounds like he lived it.
I tell you what though... If a major label and artist ever call me about the song and want the length cut down...I'll figure out something. If and until...4 minutes is about where the song seems to want to be.
This is a duet. Music has more "groove." Likeable. Tweaked some lines. Song is just under 4 minutes, but I'm good with it. Robots dont wanna stop singing at 3 to 3.5. I'm good with letting them go on. They scare me anyway. https://suno.com/s/OekliLhesYHHpRCX
I tried that. SUNO ignored it and produced a long song anyway. I like this song as it stands. - I think that this blues-country blend is my fav of the bunch. - https://suno.com/s/4wcGKi7NaPvB7Fke It tells the message that I have in mind in a mood that works...which is a slow BPM...which lengthens it. To my ear, this male vocal sounds like he lived it.
I tell you what though... If a major label and artist ever call me about the song and want the length cut down...I'll figure out something. If and until...4 minutes is about where the song seems to want to be.
You can pitch to Spotify Artists . Someone climbing the ranks . Thats what a Curb Rep told me to do . thats realistic , No Major is calling you . They don't take unsolicited material
We’re all built from the same dust and dreams, Different roads, but the same means.
This is a really good take on the dream theme. Really good. I’m going to pick the genre suno music that I like, and put it in my liked folder called Marty. expect $1.23 royalty check in 2032 or there about. Bill
This is a really good take on the dream theme. Really good. I’m going to pick the genre suno music that I like, and put it in my liked folder called Marty. expect $1.23 royalty check in 2032 or there about. Bill
Thank you very much Bill. I'm flattered to have a Marty folder.
That's a long time to wait for a royalty check. In the immediate, I might go to the bank and see if I can use it as collateral to buy a vacation home in the Hamptons. I'll make the case to them that it's like an internet start-up. Today's value is based on assumed future values
[VERSE 1] When we parted ways, that was long overdue. All we did was argue, there was no me and you. Years went by ,I found new love and moved on with my life. I quickly forgot you, and all the endless strife
So first of all, this is so dull and unpoetic, and not a single good line in it.
All your trying to do with it is get to yourr chorus.
Songs ate like women they need foreplay.
Its not a bad opening line, because it gets right to it, you know what happened.
Lack of response has nothing to do with the quality, and you know it
There is truth in that. But the problem is that you are in complete denial about the causative factors. And it does not look like that will ever change.
So rather than fixing it, you are going to continue the pattern of calling anyone who disagrees with you a talent-less hack or some other such insult.
its robot songs create a fake person whatever you like to call yourself and get comments on FB
There is a real good idea for Dom. Create an AI avatar and put your songs up on Ytube, Fbook, Instagram, X...and see what kind of responses come from people who are not part of a "social club."
Compliments or criticism from strangers with no motivation not to say how they truly feel, is the most reliable kind of feedback that can be had. That is what focus-groups are about.
I think I may do that myself. Great suggestion Ben.
its robot songs create a fake person whatever you like to call yourself and get comments on FB
There is a real good idea for Dom. Create an AI avatar and put your songs up on Ytube, Fbook, Instagram, X...and see what kind of responses come from people who are not part of a "social club."
Compliments or criticism from strangers with no motivation not to say how they truly feel, is the most reliable kind of feedback that can be had. That is what focus-groups are about.
I think I may do that myself. Great suggestion Ben.
The general audience is really all that matters, but you won't find regular listeners on sites like these.
You find people doing the same thing you are.
Youtube has some of the best indie singer songwriters with videos that have 49 views, and three comments.
I truthfully don't like your songs. I don't like your typical subject matter and the lines that you quote, that light you up, and you say, make them great...don't even strike me as good, much less great.
So, if I comment on them and want to keep you from attacking me, I have to lie. If I don't comment on them, you rattle on about how I am boycotting them and leading a conspiracy...which I am not. I have turned down two PM invitations to harass you.
There is another personality in the past who occasionally put up songs that burnt my ears. I could not find something in them to compliment. Rather than lie, I just left them alone.
The difference between you and him is that he never accused me of leading a conspiracy to boycott them. He never said anything anti-social to anyone.
The moral of the story... If someone doesn't like your song, respond to the crit once and move on. They aren't awarding Grammys here.
I truthfully don't like your songs. I don't like your typical subject matter and the lines that you quote, that light you up, and you say, make them great...don't even strike me as good, much less great.
So, if I comment on them and want to keep you from attacking me, I have to lie. If I don't comment on them, you rattle on about how I am boycotting them and leading a conspiracy...which I am not. I have turned down two PM invitations to harass you.
There is another personality in the past who occasionally put up songs that burnt my ears. I could not find something in them to compliment. Rather than lie, I just left them alone.
The difference between you and him is that he never accused me of leading a conspiracy to boycott them. He never said anything anti-social to anyone.
The moral of the story... If someone doesn't like your song, respond to the crit once and move on. They aren't awarding Grammys here.
That's ok if you dont like my songs .
But I find it hard to belive you like any song here. But like the people better.
I dont think we come herea and expect to hear songs that we like.
We have the Beatles and Paul Simon and Billy Joel and Springsteen and tom petty to like.
You dont like Springsteen either, so that kinda puts your not liking my songs in perspective.
But your not coming here to find great music you just love.
You come as a fellow songwriter looking for feedback, cause you write and want to know what others think.
If you ignore them or lie to them, you are doing them a disservice, and I guess you expect the same.
If I review somebody, I in no way think this is going to me my favorite songwriter to listen to.
I hate nost music on the radio, I hate alot more music than I like.
Theres a difference between acknowledging what somebody is trying to do, and loving it
We have the Beatles and Paul Simon and Billy Joel and Springsteen and tom petty to like. oh brother thats 50 years ago. Whats so great about them anyway , it's a song . if I see one more post on the Beatles im going to kill my computer . How old are you ? , it's 2026. Who the hell are the Beatles by a 22 year old ?
Last edited by bennash; 05/18/2606:35 PM.
We’re all built from the same dust and dreams, Different roads, but the same means.
Theres a difference between acknowledging what somebody is trying to do, and loving it
That is hard to square, if not bizarre coming from you.
My stated practice on this and other sites was to find something to like about someones song and specifically compliment that and/or just comment "nice song, enjoyed it."
For the exact purpose of acknowledging the effort, energy and passion...even if the song didn't really light me up.
And when I did that, you would rattle how it was somehow dismissive and condescending in some alternate mind-scape to merely say "nice song, enjoyed it."
And you would go on and on about how I and everyone else have a duty to comment and tell-it-like-it-is, so they the greatest output can be achieved on a songwriting site frequented by amateurs.
You and I and "songwriters" like us, are the blind leading the blind. We have no experience that bears out realistic wins and losses in the music business. We're just surmising and commenting according to whatever sensibilities that we possess.
The other day I commented on Kay-lynn's America song. And I stand by my comment. But the comment was based in the sensibilities of a random US citizen with a fascination for historical evolution. And a skeptical view of a singularity called "America."
Kay-Lynn quoted someone with years of musical publishing experience. They praised the song as something that could work and could respond to a need. In the sphere of viable commercial musical sensibilities, that is a real opinion.
By comparison, my opinion in that sphere is just the ramblings of rambling rambler.
And the best thing that happened to me was the opportunity to see a publisher's opinion go head-to-head with mine. (even though he is completely unaware of me)
So yes, I agree that acknowledgement is good glue in an atmosphere like this site, but your new proclamation above regarding acknowledgement is completely inconsistent with your past posts.
The inconsistency appears to be based in "denial."
If you want a hit make it a love song, make it soar into the chorus, make it emotional, have a great singer. And most of all get lottery type of lucky.
Im not interested in any of that. Its not going to happen.
I dont know who said kae lynnes song was great, we dont know that.
But a guitar teacher fir example, does not need to be a rock star, or had any success in music, he can still teach you to play, and can still play on your record.
You continue to confuse business with art.
None of us are making money. All we have left is the art.
Rock and pop examine way more emotions than. Just love and relationships.
To say yiu should write songs people can relate to is like...
How do you know what somebody can relate to?. If I feel something chances are somebody had too
Somethings not good because I say so, its good because its good. Good being subjective of course.
But there's tons of objectivity too
Maybe we analyze too much...
But you know well, that when you invest time in something, you put it here that you expect more than a atta boy.
Nobody wants to hear...pleasant tune.
I think they'd rather hear, I dont know man, im not feelin this one.
And the system of you say something nice. Ill say something nice looms large.
If somebody really thinks my songs bad I wanna hear it. But if its not done with the right intent, Like yours then your gonna hear it.
I have limited knowledge of country, majority of people here prefer country.
But I try to understand what they are doing...are they pitching, are they the artist. Is the lyric interesting. Is the melody bad.
But I dont ask them to not be country.
Certain elements are universal.
For me the most important thing is having character in the sing that is living. Not a paper character somebody who is really there.
Never aay stupid [naughty word removed] about writing sings that people can relate to, because you dint know.
Don't try to back out now you started it.
Relate to this
Translate to English please.
Back out? Back out of what?
My song thread that you dug up to take shots at?
Dom, I'm going to have to go back to weekly rations with you. I've stumbled into creating a multi-course serving of troll food...to your delight. This is going in circles and making no sense.
Like I said, No nasty names No divisive topics If someone thinks your song is lousy and says so, respond short and sweet and move on.
I don't think that you can do that...but there is the fix.
Never aay stupid [naughty word removed] about writing sings that people can relate to, because you dint know.
Don't try to back out now you started it.
Relate to this
Translate to English please.
Back out? Back out of what?
My song thread that you dug up to take shots at?
Dom, I'm going to have to go back to weekly rations with you. I've stumbled into creating a multi-course serving of troll food...to your delight. This is going in circles and making no sense.
Like I said, No nasty names No divisive topics If someone thinks your song is lousy and says so, respond short and sweet and move on.
I don't think that you can do that...but there is the fix.
its robot songs create a fake person whatever you like to call yourself and get comments on FB
There is a real good idea for Dom. Create an AI avatar and put your songs up on Ytube, Fbook, Instagram, X...and see what kind of responses come from people who are not part of a "social club."
Compliments or criticism from strangers with no motivation not to say how they truly feel, is the most reliable kind of feedback that can be had. That is what focus-groups are about.
I think I may do that myself. Great suggestion Ben.
You can alot of people are doing it , I'm just kidding about robot songs . I just do human stuff cuz I enjoy the process
We’re all built from the same dust and dreams, Different roads, but the same means.
We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.
"Through the positive and supportive examples we are setting, it is becoming apparent that where our Just Plain Folks lead, the music world will follow!" -Brian Austin Whitney
