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Yeah, ok, I posted two, one right after another....but I haven't posted anything in a week or so, so this is just me catching up.

Need crits, think Toby Keith singing this, or maybe Trace Atkins. (I'm good with either one, lol) Male, country, uptempo.

OK, here's a rewrite....is it any better than the first (which is below with the first round of revisions.....
Steam
© 2008 Caroline Holder
All Rights Reserved

Hadn’t seen that girl at all this week- Haven't seen that girl all week..??Overtime at work to make ends meet
Gotta get myself a hot shower--maybe say cold shower?
Gotta pick her up in about an hour

Says she’s She said she's got some plans for me
My minds been racing all week

Opened up that shower door, reached for my towel
Looked at the bathroom mirror, and it all seemed clearer now- I see your wanting to rhyme mirror but I am not sure about the clearer part? as a mirror would be foggy, maybe say before that before the steam on the mirror faded away there was a message written that was loud and clear??her

Chorus
She wrote- I like the mirror image, but it seems it would be impossible to write this long a message on it, perhaps a lipprint with a note stuck to the fogged up mirror?? Hey baby when you’re through
I’ve got a little surprise for you
I’ll meet you in our spot, in just a few
I hope you’re up for a change in routine
And I hope, you don’t mind, a little more steam-- maybe the note could be a bit more to the point?

Toweling off,This may be hard to sing, toweling, before I could dry off, my mind was going nuts?? my mind was going nuts
It was all I could do to get dried off
She’s been playing hard to get
But, that hasn’t slowed me down yet

She dropped a hint or two, put me in a blur
Like how she was wanting me to touch and kiss her

I wonder if she spent any of her time betting
On me sweating, thinking of what I might be getting- in this content the sweating may be too graphic?
C-Repeat

Br.
I opened up the bathroom door
Saw her clothes on the floor
She’s got me on fire with all this secret talk
So I say, here I come baby, ready or not

I like this version alot better than your first. I did have some suggies and wasnt trying to pick apart your lyric. Just giving my honest opinion KOS of course:) BUT this has some really good elements in it and if tied together nicely will make a cool song. Good luck with it:) Kim

C-Repeat

Tag

I hope you don't mind, a little more steam






Steam
© 2008 Caroline Holder
All Rights Reserved

We hadn’t seen each other all week long
Between long hours at work, and her at her moms
Planning a party, for her baby sister

Stepping out of the shower to get a wash cloth
Looked at the mirror through the hot cloud of fog
I saw the note asking how much I missed her

She snuck in while I was soaping up
one of them things 'bout her I love

chorus
She wrote
Hey baby when you’re through
I’ve got a little surprise for you
I’ll meet you in our spot, in just a few
I hope you’re up for a change in routine
And I hope, you don’t mind, a little more steam

Toweling off, my mind’s going nuts
It was all I could do to get myself dried off
And dressed before I met up with her

Out the door and I’m in my truck
Finding Another note on the rearview, just my luck
Saying just how she wanted me to kiss her


Driving over to her place
Couldn't wait to see her pretty face

C-Repeat

Br.
I walk through the front door and I found my surprise
There’s her, a big screen, my team, and 6 pack of light

C-Repeat