Yeah, ok, I posted two, one right after another....but I haven't posted anything in a week or so, so this is just me catching up.

Need crits, think Toby Keith singing this, or maybe Trace Atkins. (I'm good with either one, lol) Male, country, uptempo.

OK, here's a rewrite....is it any better than the first (which is below with the first round of revisions.....


More revisions..getting clearer?

[b]Had to keep the hot shower to get the steam, can't write messages on a dry mirror and it make sense, (yes, I looked over some suggs which I do appreciate very much)
[/b]

Steam
© 2008 Caroline Holder
All Rights Reserved

Hadn’t [b] Haven't seen thatmy girl at all much this week
Overtime at work to make ends meet
Gotta get myself a hot shower
Gotta pick her up in about an hour

Says she’s got some plans for me
My minds been racing all week

Opened up that shower door, reached for my towel
Looked at the bathroom mirror, and it all seemed clearer now

Chorus
She wrote
Hey baby when you’re through
I’ve got a little surprise for you
I’ll meet you in our spot, in just a few
I hope you’re up for a change in routine
And I hope, you don’t mind, a little more steam

Towel in hand, my mind was going nuts
It was all I could do to get dried off
She’s been playing hard to get
But, that hasn’t slowed me down yet

She dropped a hint or two, put me in a blur
Like how she was wanting me to touch and kiss her

I wonder if she spent any of her time betting
On me sweating, thinking of what I might be getting

Cause...
C-Repeat

Br.
I opened up the bathroom door
Saw Her clothes on the bedroom floor
She’s got me on fire with all this secret talk
So I say, here I come baby, ready or not


C-Repeat

Tag

I hope you don't mind, a little more steam[/b]






Steam
© 2008 Caroline Holder
All Rights Reserved

We hadn’t seen each other all week long
Between long hours at work, and her at her moms
Planning a party, for her baby sister

Stepping out of the shower to get a wash cloth
Looked at the mirror through the hot cloud of fog
I saw the note asking how much I missed her

She snuck in while I was soaping up
one of them things 'bout her I love

chorus
She wrote
Hey baby when you’re through
I’ve got a little surprise for you
I’ll meet you in our spot, in just a few
I hope you’re up for a change in routine
And I hope, you don’t mind, a little more steam

Toweling off, my mind’s going nuts
It was all I could do to get myself dried off
And dressed before I met up with her

Out the door and I’m in my truck
Finding Another note on the rearview, just my luck
Saying just how she wanted me to kiss her


Driving over to her place
Couldn't wait to see her pretty face

C-Repeat

Br.
I walk through the front door and I found my surprise
There’s her, a big screen, my team, and 6 pack of light

C-Repeat

Last edited by Caroline; 09/18/09 09:10 AM.
Caroline


http://www.myspace.com/carolineholder
http://www.soundclick.com/carolinewroteit

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them! (Dove Dark Chocolate)