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Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 288
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 288 |
Hi Caroline,
I only read the revised version. I know you didn't mean for them to be married or living together, but I think it would really help the song. I think if you changed that first verse and take out the "Gotta pick her up in about an hour" and put in there something that shows they do live together, the rest of the song makes perfect sense to me.
I absolutely love the hook and I think it's going to turn out great when you get it all figured out.
Heather
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