Hi Michael,

You could well be right about those writer intrusions...because I, for one, DO use the shower massage description fairly often when describing a heavy duty pouring rain. If it makes someone stop and think, I don't necessarily feel that is a bad thing. Same with seething. The traffic wasn't moving at all...so the term was actually referring to the fact that the drivers were probably seething inside their cars at the holdup. Might switch that one to something else, however if that specific word is hard to sing. I like the occasional sibilance of a couple of "s" words in a line. LOL Could just be me...since I am not a singer..and I know they usually DON'T care for sibilance.

You are right on that tense change. I switched that from COULDN'T to CAN'T at the last moment because I didn't want the extra syllable in that line. Might switch it back anyway, since a good singer can mold the prosody to fit if necessary. You are right that the whole song is supposed to be in past tense.

As for the heart race idea, I already used the heart stopped line above so not sure I want to bring that in again but will ponder on a change there.

If this ever gets that far, will see what the publisher says about those issues. I DO appreciate you weighing in on them. One of the best things about this place is the sharp eyes that won't let me get away with anything!! [Linked Image] Sure appreciate the looksee and the suggestions.

Will I get a chance to meet you at the JPF Awards Ceremony? Sure hope so!!!

Hugs,
Bobbie

[This message has been edited by Bobbie Gallup (edited 10-31-2004).]

They'll tell you success in the music biz is all about who you know...but the truth is...it's about who knows you.

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