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néomí
by Gary E. Andrews - 07/24/26 08:58 PM
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Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,945 Likes: 92
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,945 Likes: 92 |
Ben, this is one hell of a song. You’ve got grit, truth, and attitude — a raw outlaw-country anthem with strong imagery and a perfect central hook. Here are a couple of alternatives you might find interesting. Feel free to use any of them.
Instead of: Well I was born in the gutter, raised on sin, You might like this… I was born in the gutter, baptized in sin
Instead of: Police lights flashin’, hounds on the trail, But I’d rather die fast than rot in a cell. This might rhyme better… Red lights flashin’, dogs on the scent But I’d rather die free than live to repent
Instead of: Well I howl at the moon with the meth-heads and fiends, Rust in my veins and fire in my dreams. This might rhyme better… I howl at the moon with the lost and damned Rust in my veins and blood on my hands
Instead of: And when my story’s over, don’t you sing me no hymn, This might flow better… When the story’s done, don’t sing me no hymn
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