Great music and lyric. Has both Bee Gees overtones and that great rather Latin-ish syncopation in the chorus.

I agree with what Rob (Couch) said concerning "peace." Especially since it's set up with "missing" and "puzzle" we're thinking it's missing "piece" and "peace" only becomes effective by reading.

But I vacillate, for it seems like a lot of intention went into the chorus, so I'm not sure changing it, per se, helps the song, since you are intentionally wanting the listener to hear it as "piece" --at least in the chorus.

You do, though, convey the idea of a lack of inner peace in the verses, so I think you were trying to get the double meaning effect by introducing ideas about inner "peace" or lack thereof, in the verses.

But I am not sure the "peace" idea the verses convey carries over into the chorus, since the setup there is so strongly writ to get a "piece" read on the word.

Perhaps you could consider "brute forcing" the idea "peace" in some way, or a lack thereof, inner turmoil, conflict, etc, in a bridge, that could solidify the double meaning in the listener's mind.

It seems like a waste of a great double meaning, to have a listener only get it from the song's title or reading the lyric, but your lyric is perfectly sound, either way. Kind of experimental, to me, to have an eye rhyme/visual rhyme be a hook in a song.

Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 10/12/23 03:16 AM.
Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)