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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 686
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 686 |
Kay-lynn:
I owe you one, but I promise to be nice... lol...
In V1 I fail to see how your closing line "there's no fear" relates to not sinking any lower and/or tears. Try this as the last line of V1: "Just as a blue sky appears." Paint pictures, remember!
One more suggestion, while I mull over the bridge, is that since you've set up an image with the "all bets are off" line in the chorus, why not drop the "And just when you think its time to give up" in V2 and replace it with "And just when you think it must be bad luck." The best part about that line switch is that you don't end up with up rhyming with up... lol...
Later...
P. E. Knudsen
P.E. Knudsen
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"If you are stuck in your musical composing, be unreasonable. Change your environment. If you are stuck in your lyrical efforts, instead of forcing the same old words out, force yourself to do unreasonable things." -Brian Austin Whitney
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