JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 3 A Little Bit In Heaven - Colab With Diane Ewing

Here's something Diane and I have been working on for several months. The original idea is Diane's. I just added a few words to what she already had. She deserves most of the applause. I have music for this and will post it as soon as my MP3 recorder decides to cooperate. One place we still feel unsure about is the couplet "Silent Mouth" in line 3, verse 2. Suggestions for that, or anything else?


A Little Bit In Heaven
© Diane Ewing/Alan D. David September 2005

(v1)
There's a little bit of angel dust
That follows at your feet.
It glows just like a full moon does at night
The first time I set eyes on you
When I passed you on the street,
My heart grew wings and suddenly took flight

Chorus)
I don't know how to say it.
I'm not sure about the words.
Cos they sometimes bend,
In all directions when they're heard.
I'll try to keep it simple,
So it won't sound insincere.
I'm a little bit in Heaven,
Every time you're near.

(v2)
Each time you speak my world is still.
There's nothing else I hear.
My ears work better than my timid mouth.
Although I have rehearsed the lines,
They always disappear.
Cos when I try the words just won’t come out


(Chorus)
I don't know how to say it.
I'm not sure about the words.
Cos they sometimes bend,
In all directions when they're heard.
I'll try to keep it simple,
So it won't sound insincere.
I'm a little bit in Heaven,
Every time you're near.

(Bridge)
Next time we meet, and I hope it's soon
I'll have to let you know,
That somewhere ‘tween the sun and moon,
There’s a heart you set aglow

(Chorus)

I don't know how to say it.
I'm not sure about the words.
Cos they sometimes bend,
in all directions when they're heard.
I'll try to keep it simple,
So it won't sound insincere.
I'm a little bit in Heaven,
Every time you're near.

(Tag)
Yes, I’m a little bit in Heaven,
Every time you’re near.


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If I were but half as good as Dawg...I'd be twice as good as most.

Alan on Soundclick


[This message has been edited by sideman66 (edited 03-09-2006).]

Hi Alan & Diane

sweetly done, in a class with Jobim's I Concentrate On You

My ears work better than my quiet lips.
Although I have rehearsed the lines,
They always disappear.
Cos when I try to speak, sadly, my silence persists

Hi Mr. Sideman and Ms. Diane,

This one has a sound that resonates in my heart for some reason. I guess I can identify with the words that BEND when they are heard. Love that line. It is so effective. Here's an idea for that silent phrase to keep or throw with a curve straight to the moon.

"...Each time you speak my world is still.
There's nothing else I hear.
My ears work better than my CROOKED/ZIPPERED mouth.
Although I have rehearsed the lines,
They always disappear.
Cos when I try the words just won’t come out..."

I really like this song.

vanessa




[This message has been edited by royaldghtr (edited 03-07-2006).]

Hello D & A,

Beautifully done.
I especially like the way it starts out...
There's a little bit of angel dust
That follows at your feet.
It glows just like a full moon does at night

I don't have anything better to offer for the SILENT MOUTH thing, although after reading it a few times it sinks in pretty good.

Nice job.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hi Alan and Diane,

This just makes me smile and feel good! My favorite lines:

There's a little bit of angel dust
That follows at your feet.

My ears work better than my silent mouth.

You two did a really nice job on this...
Lisa

Good Morning Alan & Diane -
This is lovely.
I particulary like your bridge

"Next time we meet, and I hope it's soon
I'll have to let you know,
That somewhere ‘tween the sun and moon,
There’s a heart you set aglow"

Sweet

Don't have any other thoughts for your troubled line... sorry

nice job
Joanne

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[*]The Best is Yet to Be,Joanne Lurgio-singer/songwriter www.joannelurgio.com


[*] Joanne's Gig Calendar - http://www.musi-cal.com/search?key=performers&value=Lurgio

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[*] www.cdbaby.com/cd/lurgio

[*] MySpace - www.myspace.com/joannelurgio

[*]www.cdbaby.com/group/justplainfolks

Ritt,

Thanks for the kind words. Like your analogy. Will ponder your suggestion and discuss it with Diane. Appreciate you taking the time to comment.

Alan

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If I were but half as good as Dawg...I'd be twice as good as most.

Alan on Soundclick

Vanessa,

When a reader/listener says a sonf resonates in their heart...well that's nearly as welcomed as a royalty check...nearly .!

The "Bend" line you refer to is all Diane's. As I said in the intro, most of this belongs to Diane. She sent me the first verse and chorus. I simply tweaked the first verse a little bit, we truly co-wrote the 2nd verse. The Chorus, as you see, is almost ver batum (sic?) as she sent it to me. So, I defer much of the accolades this might bring to Diane. Her original idea is the genesis of this entire lyric.

The only major contribution I made, besides a little input on the 2nd verse, was the music, which is not yet recorded. Actually, Diane hasn't even heard the music, yet. She's simply assuming that I did it justice. But, before posting the music, once it's recorded, I will certainly run it by her for her approval first!

Thanks for giving us your thoughts and making them so kind!

Alan

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If I were but half as good as Dawg...I'd be twice as good as most.

Alan on Soundclick

Calvin,

That first verse is not much changed from what Diane originally wrote. So, the applause goes to her for that. Glad you liked the song and took the time to say so.

I'm hoping Diane will get a chance to jump in soon and express her appreciation for the kind words everyone has had so far. I have the morning off, so I have a couple of minutes to reply. She's is probably working her butt off while I'm sitting here enjoying the morning. Sorry Diane!

Thanks again, Calvin.

Alan.

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If I were but half as good as Dawg...I'd be twice as good as most.

Alan on Soundclick

Lisa,

Thanks for dropping in to look and comment. So glad you like it. The lines to which you refer were written by Diane. She gets the applause for that! It's always nice to hear that any effort one has made makes someone else feel good. thanks for the warm words!

Alan

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If I were but half as good as Dawg...I'd be twice as good as most.

Alan on Soundclick

Good Morning, Joanne!

Hope all is well in the wide open spaces of Rhode Island!

So very pleased that you like this lyric. Although I originally wrote the bridge, Diane and I really kicked that last line around for quite some time! I'm glad you like the way we decided to go with it.

The bridge, and still unrecorded music, are the only places where I can take any significant credit. Diane wrote about 90% of the rest of it. I think she did a really good job.

Thank you for commenting so favorably. It is always nice to hear from you.

Alan

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If I were but half as good as Dawg...I'd be twice as good as most.

Alan on Soundclick

[This message has been edited by sideman66 (edited 03-08-2006).]

Hey, Everybody,

I'm going to back away from here a while and let Diane jump in with her comments when she gets a chance. I've already stolen too much of her thunder.

Thank you all for your wonderful feedback!

Alan

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If I were but half as good as Dawg...I'd be twice as good as most.

Alan on Soundclick

Guys your hook is fantastic. I could hear it over and over.How about

I can't force any words out of my mouth

since everything is still

John

------------------
Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword never had an editor.

Dear Alan and Diane.....

this was just lovely...!!!!
can't wait to hear this one........

have you played with voice?..on that line
you two...?...dunno...

very nice.....
kk

Thanks so much for the wonderful comments
from you wonderful folks. I do have to
contradict Alan, however. In my mind, this
lyric was a 50/50 collab I sent him
the first verse and chorus, but the meter was off in both and my last
line of the first verse had my feet with wings, which sure isn't as nice as my heart
having wings!

Alan corrected the meter, created the second
verse, which we did alter together and he
created the bridge. What I had written on
my own would still be sitting in the
"Needs work" folder of my PC if not for his
creativity! I can't wait to hear his music!!

Thanks again,

Diane

Hi GasMan (John)
So glad you like the hook. Thanks for your
suggestion for the second verse. We're
still mulling over that line. Thanks
so much for taking a look!

Diane

Hi Kaley,

So sorry I missed you last night!
My time to post is so limited because
we aren't allowed to post on any Website
from work, which is where I have the
most time.

Anyway, thanks for taking a read and for
your sweet comment. I also can't wait to
hear it!!!

Diane

Diane and Alan,
this is just lovely!
and something many of us can identify with.

That said....
the couplet you mention that you're still unsure about...
yeah... to me... SILENT is the wrong word.

I would say TIMID mouth.

I know I'm adding my own bias and experience to that situation LOL
so as usual keep or sweep

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Harriet
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/9/harrietamesmusic.htm

Harriet,

What a nice day it is when you show up! I'm thrilled that you like this colabberative effort. I really did enjoy the process with Diane.

I like your "TIMID" suggestion a lot. And it flows very nicely when sung. Let's see what Diane thinks about it! She probably won't have an opportunity to get back to this until this evening. But I'm anxious to hear what she thinks about "TIMID".

Thanks so much for looking in a giving us your very nice review. Best of everything to you.

Alan

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If I were but half as good as Dawg...I'd be twice as good as most.

Alan on Soundclick

Harriet, I have but a moment. Piano lesson
and then cards with the girls tonight. Always a smashing good time!

And speaking of smashing!!! One word for
your one word---PERFECT!!!!!!

I love TIMID!!! Works so well!! Did I
mention it's the perfect word!!!

Honestly, it is so nice of you and the
others who have read this and made comments
and suggestions. I know Alan has been a member of JPF for a long time and has
a lot of good friends here. I'm so lucky
to have been able to have the chance to
write with him.

Thanks again.

Diane

[This message has been edited by Diane E (edited 03-09-2006).]

Well Harriet,

I think Diane agrees with me about your suggestion of "TIMID". Thus, I am going to go back and make that change. I think her response to you was implicit enough of her approval!

And speaking of Diane, sounds like she has herself a pretty fun-filled night ahead of her. I'm jealous!!!

Thanks again! That one word really does add to the overall quality and character of the lyrics.

All the best,

Alan

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If I were but half as good as Dawg...I'd be twice as good as most.

Alan on Soundclick

[This message has been edited by sideman66 (edited 03-09-2006).]

Diane,

This all yours for a while. I won't be available Friday afternoon or Friday night until very late. Se ya later!

Alan

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If I were but half as good as Dawg...I'd be twice as good as most.

Alan on Soundclick

Suggestions below; keep or sweep

(v1)
There's a little bit of angel dust
That follows at your feet.
(It--delete) (glows--replace--glowing) (just--delete) like a full moon does at night


Chorus)
I don't know how to say it.
I'm not sure about the words.(These two lines mean about the same thing; is there another line you could start with?)

(Bridge)

There’s a heart you set "aglow" (this is a poetic word, but not conversational; consider replacing)



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http://www.freewebs.com/shayne06/index.htm

Hi Shayne,

Thanks for taking a look at this and for
your suggestions. I'll wait until Alan
takes a look at them to make any calls.
He has a lot of insight like you do!!

You're so nice to take the time to help
us with this.

Diane

Hey Tricia,

Thanks for taking a look and so you know,
I always "Pray for Peas!"

You're wonderful!!!

Diane

Shayneman,

Thanks so much for taking a look and taking your time to offer your insights. We certainly do appreciate it!

Your first suggestion for modiftying the first verse sounds pretty good to me. And, it won't be a big deal for the music. So, if Diane agrees, I think that would work.

Regarding your 2nd suggestion, about the chorus...yes, those two lines are somehwat redundant. But, in this case, I think they work anyway. It's kind of like when telling someone about an unbelievable event, you might say..."Man, I was speechless. I couldn't say a word!". Those two lines are profoundly redundant but work well because they emphasize the subject, and are often said in just that manner in everyday speech. i think that same principal applies here. So, I would probably keep those lines as they are.

And your third suggestion, about the bridge...I do agree that "aglow" is a bit poetic. But we decided to go with that word because it goes so well with the "angel dust", "moonlight", "'tween the sun and moon" lines that it is a natural fit. That is a very keen observation on your part, though, because that is the one single word that we fretted over the most. We had 3 or 4 other possibilities there, but kept coming back to "aglow".

Really do appreciate the effort you put into making this one a better lyric. THANKS!

Alan

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If I were but half as good as Dawg...I'd be twice as good as most.

Alan on Soundclick

Tricia,

Glad you like this one a bit! Delighted that you took the time to let us know.

BTW, my wife cannot stand peas. They literally nauseate her to the point of...well, you can guess. She often wonders why God permits such a vile thing to exist in His universe!

Me, I love them...especially creamed peas. Yum, Yum!!!!!!

Alan

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If I were but half as good as Dawg...I'd be twice as good as most.

Alan on Soundclick

Shayne, I think your idea for the first
verse is a keeper too. Since Alan's doing
the music, I really like to leave the final
decisions about changes to him.
Alan, "Glowing" it is!!!

Diane

[This message has been edited by Diane E (edited 03-12-2006).]

Tricia,

Thanks for looking and for the nice words. Always nice tyo hear from you .

PS: Didn't realize that I had replied to you earlier. Oh well, I enjoyed it twice as much!


Alan

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If I were but half as good as Dawg...I'd be twice as good as most.

Alan on Soundclick

[This message has been edited by sideman66 (edited 03-13-2006).]

Shayne,

I'm going to go with your first suggestion. it cuts the excess and still gets the point across quite nicely. For reasons I mentioned in my previous reply to you, I think we will keep the other two observations on hold for now. We truly do appreciate your suggestions to improve this. THANKS!

Alan

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If I were but half as good as Dawg...I'd be twice as good as most.

Alan on Soundclick