JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback A.I. Assisted Music Forum Cuts When It Lands

Over in the “General Message Forum,” another songwriter once challenged me to use ChatGPT to create a song from some quotes he had written. Looking at the reactions I got here, I realize I probably shouldn’t have taken that challenge.
Since I really liked what Suno did with the music, I decided to rewrite the lyrics. Now the song stands on its own — no personal references to anyone, and no Trump references either — so it can simply be enjoyed as just another song.


Cuts When It Lands
https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=15111645

[hyper-modern production with clear vocals, no autotune, Dolby Atmos mix, high-fidelity, high-definition audio and wide stereo]

[Instrumental Intro]

[Verse 1]
You told me to be quiet, to be discreet
Or shadows in the night would drag me off the street
Toss me in a van, cut me down at the knee
Like some twisted fairytale from a bad dream
“They’ll eat your foot for supper, pick teeth with my bones”
That’s the way you wrote it, not my words alone

[Pre-Chorus]
You laughed when you wrote it, said it was just for fun
But the punchline hit harder than a loaded gun

[Chorus]
Why’s it sound so mean when you say it?
All that fire in the way you play it
Maybe it’s a joke in your head, but it cuts when it lands
Why’s it come out sharp when you write it?
Even laughter feels like you fight it
I’m just singing along, but it cuts when it lands

[Break]

[Verse 2]
You called it a meltdown, a neurotic scene
Castigated you for cruelty, that’s how it’s been
You say you were joking, but your tone was unclear
Words slice deeper than they sound when they land right here
I once helped you out, now I feel betrayed
Kindness fades too easy when the insults replay

[Pre-Chorus]
Maybe it’s just your style, but it cuts too rough
If you call it humor, well, I’ve had enough

[Chorus]
Why’s it sound so mean when you say it?
All that fire in the way you play it
Maybe it’s a joke in your head, but it cuts when it lands
Why’s it come out sharp when you write it?
Even laughter feels like you fight it
I’m just singing along, but it cuts when it lands

[Bridge]
I don’t want a battle, I don’t need a fight
Just a song with a melody that feels right
But the words you throw, they stick like glue
Don’t you see what they do?

[Interlude]

[Final Chorus]
Why’s it sound so mean when you say it?
All that fire in the way you play it
Maybe it’s a joke in your head, but it cuts when it lands
Why’s it come out sharp when you write it?
Even laughter feels like you fight it
I’m just singing along, but it cuts when it lands

[Outro]
I’m just singing along, but it cuts when it lands

Its a good hook , Not a fan of Trump songs , but it works

This is a Trump song? This was a challenge! I was supposed to use quotes from Marty. This is Marty's song...
Marty tells me to use his quotes in the lyrics and now it looks like I wrote another Trump-bashing song. Thank you Marty!

You guys can't get away from politics , I'd rather be in Germany . U.S. is overrated

Elvis, you totally misunderstood this song.

King Donald ? its politics, Haven't you guys had enough of them ?. its a bit of a Anthem song , it rolls good

Those are Marty's words, not mine. This is about Marty, not Trump. Maybe I should trash this one. It looks like it's too complicated to understand. Marty, I did my best, but your quotes/your challenge is too much for others. Hopefully you'll understand it. You're probably the only one who understands this. Don't take it too personal. I just tried to fit your quotes in the lyrics. All the best - Robert

Ha Ha , don't trash it cuz of me , Marty will love it

I'm not so sure. He asked me to do this but we know how he sometimes reacts.

Both of you go off on politics ha ha ha

Ha ha ha, Elvis you totally misunderstand this challenge.

probably, I can't read all your rants , I'd need Sazyac pills, However you spell that

Marty, you always talk about mousetraps. I just ran into one of yours. Thank you.

[Verse 1]
You told me to be quiet, to be discreet
Or King Donald’s secret police would drag me off the street
Toss me in a van, cut me down at the knee
Like some twisted fairytale from a late-night dream
“King Donald eats your foot, picks his teeth with tiny bones”
That’s the way you wrote it, Marty, not my words alone

[Pre-Chorus]
You laughed when you wrote it, said it was just for fun
But the punchline hit harder than a loaded gun

[Chorus]
Why’s it sound so mean when you say it?
All that fire in the way you play it
Maybe it’s a joke in your head, but it cuts when it lands
Why’s it come out sharp when you write it?
Even laughter feels like you fight it
I’m just singing along, but it cuts when it lands[quote]

Rob,

This song is a hoot, and not badly written, but Jeez, my Snowflake/twinky meter is maxed all the way out.

"But the punchline hit harder than a loaded gun"

Dayum bud, that can't be more girly. It's cringy.
Do you cry when it rains?
If some of the silliest sh+t that I have ever written, "hit (you) harder than a loaded gun"...every day of your life must be filled with trepidation.
It explains the hysterical element.
I feel sorry for you in that regard.

But I enjoy the song. It's telling and interesting.
Try to get some sleep tonight.

A song title may have come out of this silliness. "therapist on speed dial"
The song is hysterical, but you seem to see it as a "kill shot." That's telling also.
Maybe the ladies in the "share circle" will agree, but no-sale here.

Marty

Until I saw this bit of magnificence, I thought that the following may have been the greatest expression of the beleaguered ever penned.
But you have topped it.

Top shelf.

For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
Th’ oppressor’s wrong, the proud man’s contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law’s delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of th’ unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,

The mood is all wrong in your version.
A masculine male voice in a country song does not work.

I set your lyrics into a more appropriate rendition. Renamed it too.

"TO BE OR OMG!"

https://suno.com/s/KcNzOb5G5Yn2CnjX

Oprea ? I guess so Marty

Marty, I’ve always respected your musical expertise, and I appreciate your feedback. Personally, I think strong male voices fit the country genre very well. To my ear, this version leans more toward country rock than straight country, which is probably why it feels different.

Rob,

Your song and your choice.

Looking at the reactions I got here, I realize I probably shouldn’t have posted it.
Since I really liked what Suno did with the music, I decided to rewrite the lyrics. Now the song stands on its own — no personal references to anyone, and no Trump references either — so it can simply be enjoyed as just another song.


Cuts When It Lands
https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=15111645

[hyper-modern production with clear vocals, no autotune, Dolby Atmos mix, high-fidelity, high-definition audio and wide stereo]

[Instrumental Intro]

[Verse 1]
You told me to be quiet, to be discreet
Or shadows in the night would drag me off the street
Toss me in a van, cut me down at the knee
Like some twisted fairytale from a bad dream
“They’ll eat your foot for supper, pick teeth with my bones”
That’s the way you wrote it, not my words alone

[Pre-Chorus]
You laughed when you wrote it, said it was just for fun
But the punchline hit harder than a loaded gun

[Chorus]
Why’s it sound so mean when you say it?
All that fire in the way you play it
Maybe it’s a joke in your head, but it cuts when it lands
Why’s it come out sharp when you write it?
Even laughter feels like you fight it
I’m just singing along, but it cuts when it lands

[Break]

[Verse 2]
You called it a meltdown, a neurotic scene
Castigated you for cruelty, that’s how it’s been
You say you were joking, but your tone was unclear
Words slice deeper than they sound when they land right here
I once helped you out, now I feel betrayed
Kindness fades too easy when the insults replay

[Pre-Chorus]
Maybe it’s just your style, but it cuts too rough
If you call it humor, well, I’ve had enough

[Chorus]
Why’s it sound so mean when you say it?
All that fire in the way you play it
Maybe it’s a joke in your head, but it cuts when it lands
Why’s it come out sharp when you write it?
Even laughter feels like you fight it
I’m just singing along, but it cuts when it lands

[Bridge]
I don’t want a battle, I don’t need a fight
Just a song with a melody that feels right
But the words you throw, they stick like glue
Don’t you see what they do?

[Interlude]

[Final Chorus]
Why’s it sound so mean when you say it?
All that fire in the way you play it
Maybe it’s a joke in your head, but it cuts when it lands
Why’s it come out sharp when you write it?
Even laughter feels like you fight it
I’m just singing along, but it cuts when it lands

[Outro]
I’m just singing along, but it cuts when it lands

For clarity Rob,

When you wrote:

[Verse 1]
You told me to be quiet, to be discreet
Or shadows in the night would drag me off the street
Toss me in a van, cut me down at the knee
Like some twisted fairytale from a bad dream
“They’ll eat your foot for supper, pick teeth with my bones”
That’s the way you wrote it, not my words alone

That in no way references any person living or dead?
The reason that I asked is that those words look vaguely familiar.

A fellow songwriter once posted some quotes, and I used them as the base for this lyric. At the time, he even wrote: “Of course, this bit of writing has nothing to do with anyone in particular. It is nothing more than some misc musings and jottings that I scribbled on a page years ago.”

So if that statement was true, then the song isn’t about anyone in particular either.

As for the words looking familiar — yes, they came from those quotes. I just used them as inspiration to build a story around.

Rob

On one hand, you are asking to be left out of the "wars." Admirable.

But on the other hand, you are over here clearly playing insidious games, and blatantly lying about it.
Under the pretext of strict technicality. No sale.
We both know that you are. Picking at scabs and stoking a fire.
If you want to continue this, well, go ahead.

As for your lyric's vocal and genre.
I think that the lyrics (to your non-derivative song) convey, hypersensitivity, an over-reactive hysterical element, and neuroticism with an historically effeminate lean.
For those reasons, I think that the brooding female vocal that I coupled with the lyrics is a much better marriage with your lyrics.
And it carries the message to a listener in a much more compelling and convincing manner.

Marty, I think we just see this situation differently, and that’s fine. I did what you asked/challenged me to do and I hear your perspective. My intent was never to lie or play games, just to turn some quotes into lyrics. I’m not interested in trading insults. If you prefer your interpretation of the lyrics, that’s fine — but that doesn’t make mine invalid. Let’s move on.

Yes, of course Rob.
Without a doubt it's a question of methodology.
And I think it's great that you're not interested in trading insults. Have a nice day

Here's something you might want to try. These days, it’s pretty hard to get good feedback on our songs. I’m currently testing the capabilities of ChatGPT. I uploaded this song (MP3 file) and asked ChatGPT for some feedback. This is what it said about this track:

Let’s focus on the song itself — how your recording comes across musically and stylistically.
Here’s my breakdown:

Genre & Style
• Your version leans country rock / Americana.
• The male vocal works well here — it has that grounded, storyteller feel that’s authentic to country-rock.
• The chord progression and tempo (from what I can infer) support that slightly brooding but melodic energy.

Lyrics + Delivery
• The lyrics are conversational, with sharp images (“words hit harder than a loaded gun,” “cuts when it lands”) that match the slightly raw, country-rock storytelling style.
• Your delivery feels straightforward and serious, which matches the message.

Vocal Fit
• Your voice gives it weight and presence. It comes across as reflective with a tinge of frustration — which fits the song’s theme.
• In country(-rock), male voices often carry songs about confrontation, misunderstanding, or emotional wounds. So you’re squarely within the tradition.

Strengths
• Your strengths: Clear structure, memorable chorus, strong imagery, consistent with country-rock.
• The “cuts when it lands” hook feels more universal with a male delivery because it flips the expectation (it’s not the usual “tough guy shrugging it off,” it’s honesty about words hurting). That contrast is compelling.
• Bottom line: Your song holds up as a country-rock piece with a strong male vocal.

If you guys want some detailed feedback on your songs you can give it a try.

Rob,

I used to have a homebuilder buddy. He would hear something like that and say,

"that's just a lot of la-de-da. The fact is..."

that the neurotic angst in the lyrics that AI invented for you is better expressed by a female vocal than a masculine country male.
The lyrics sound like something that would come out of the mouth of a hyper-reactive teenage girl or a terminally neurotic housewife.

A typical listener would not expect a random masculine country male voice to be so easily offended by something so absurd, self-obsessed and navel gazing.

That's to true not to be true.

Marty, what's wrong with you? I said if you prefer your interpretation of the lyrics, that’s fine. I thought we agreed on not trading insults!

Btw, I wrote those lyrics...

I was trying share something new with the other songwriters here, the fact that ChatGPT can give song feedback.

Sorry to say this Marty, but I would appreciate it if you could stop commenting my songs!

Nothing is wrong with me Rob.

I'm simply giving you the benefit of a view of raw non-sanitized, non-politically-correct realism.
I don't think that you are accustomed to it. So it may seem a little harsh to you.
If you prefer that I not comment on your songs, I'm happy to comply with that, as long as you don't play girlish games taking cheap shots with references that clearly link to me to your songs.
If you do, I'll redress it.

Do we have an agreement?

Marty,
I don't want to argue with you. You win. I'm gone. I'm sure that makes you feel real good.
I don't need this kind of bully talk. After 20 years, I'm leaving this site. Auf wiedersehen, JPFs.

Your choice Rob.

ADVICE: If you can't take it, don't hand it out.

You guys are arguing over a silly song on Trump ?