Most critiquers would comment on your loose structure and rhyme scheme, but I kind of like it in your writing. To me, it just seems fresh and original, rather than just a lack of structure or something. Your songs are more free-floating, and loose, rather than rigid and stuck to a structure. I still believe that you have done well in presenting a vivid mood just with the words and thoughts you portray. I'd only have to say that you write the way you write and you do it very well. Only advise is that you try out other approaches to your writing, so that you will be better equipped to incorporate them in your writing if you think it will work. Keep writing. Every word you write is practise and part of your learning experience. There are no wasted words in relation to your growth as a writer.

Josh Packard