JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum More Than Just the Habit (Little Stevie B added Bass and drum)

Hi Paul,

I'm not sure I've heard any of your songs before so howdy from a US southerner! I agree this is a VERY good song. The lyric is strong, feels sincere and makes sense with lots of great images. You asked for honesty and I try to be honest.

The 1st thing I noticed (besides what I love about this lyric) is that you have ease the pain in the lyric and you sing dull, I think I like ease better but that’s such a small thing.

A few comments below KOS of course.

V
The beam of a corner street lamp lights the litter and despair
Mumbling to himself with filthy cloths and messy hair
The king of empty sidewalks stands counting up his change I think these are great lines!!!
Then heads toward the liquor store to try and to ease his the pain

At one time he thought he had it the American dream I’m not sure the way you sing American Dream sounds natural. It sounds like you had to drag it out too much so I was thinking maybe there is a better word or words to go there. Maybe something like that sought after dream that way you could stress sought and to me that would sound more natural.
The respect of friends and family a success or so it seemed
Then it all came unraveled at the bottom of the glass
Now he’s asking for spare change from strangers as they pass

In the chorus I wonder if it might work better switching the rhymes in your 1st 2 lines like I’ve done below. The reason I say this is because “drinking took him down” is exactly what happened and I think it drives this point home better than “till alcohol came around”. I just used drinking instead of alcohol because to me be it fit better. Not only that but the 1stline in your chorus sounds a tad rushed so I think it would smooth that out too.

CHROUS
He’s more than just the habit that’s turned his life upside down around
He lived just like the rest of us before/till the alcohol came around his drinking took him down. Changing before to till would give the line a little more room to breathe too.
A prisoner to a craving that has brought him to his knees
He’s more than just a habit he could be you or me

I really do love the chorus so I hope you don't think for one second that I don't like it.

Instrumental

V
The morning sun awakes him in the alley he calls home
Wondering how he got here strung out and all alone
He kicks away the cardboard has a drink and finds his feet
People passing by don’t see him he’s just a beggar on the street

You left the R out of strung out, I know it was a typo and believe me I do my share of that.

V
He tried attending meetings for a while that worked fine
Til the craving over took him and he was drunk one more time
Feeling like a hostage whose ransom won’t get paid
He know if he keeps drinking it will take him to his grave

BRIDGE
He died late one evening
He just couldn’t hold on
He’d planned on getting sober
But now that choice chance is gone

CHROUS
He’s more than just the habit that’s turned his life upside down
He lived just like the rest of us before the alcohol came around
A prisoner to a craving that has brought him to his knees
He’s more than just a habit he could be you or me

For years he tried to shake it but he couldn’t break freeHe’s more than just the habit he could be you or me Since he's gone I think line need to be past tense. Also I think maybe it would be cool to repeat this line rather than say the 1st line here because you've already said that (in different word) and just to drive the hook home one more time. Maybe the last time say something something "He was So much more etc.
Music Out

Wow it looks like I'm trying to rewrite your song. I really think it's very very close or I wouldn't gone on like this.
I LOVE it and I'm sure a lot of people can relate or know someone like this.

Dottie