Hello Everyone!

I'm sorry it has taken me a few days to get to this... work really went crazy on me late last week and into this week... it wasn’t until my morning coffee before work yesterday that i saw Harriet's critique was posted and then i wanted to make sure with Brian that I was cleared to go.

So, I wanted to first thank everyone who has taken the time to read and think about my lyric and post very extensive, thoughtful, and detailed comments. And in particular, thank you Harriet - I truly felt a mixture of fortune and terror when i saw that you had selected Faded Blue this session! But, I realize that this program is not about my lryic specifically... it is about everyone investing some time and thought into a thorough critique of a lyric, then being able to review not only others' critiques, but also that of a professional in the field to enhance our understanding of what makes a good lyric... what works or doesn't work so well. With that in mind, i offered Faded Blue not because i harbored some illusion that it was a perfect lyric, but rather because i thought it might, if selected, offer a great "teachable moment" opportunity and spur some interesting and valuable discussion. And i think that worked out pretty well... i am amazed by the depth and breadth of the commentary, and the full scope

This is a great program that Brian has set up, and I think that we are very fortunate that Harriet invests her time to help us. I hope that we can keep this program going, and i look forward to helping and participating as best i can!

A few days into this I realized that i had better start taking notes to prepare my responses because i was getting so much material it was going to take quite a while! I still have a way to go, and hope to post my replies, thoughts, questions in much more detail this weekend... I think every single comment has offered a great deal for me to think about. Some of you were actually trying to puzzle out meter and music for me even - that is really working hard and i can't tell you how much i appreciate that!
By the time Harriet posted her critique, i think the rest of you had identified, bewteen you, every single line that i was self conscious with... or less than happy with... I've been working on this particular piece, off and on, for about 14 years - it is without doubt the hardest, most frustrating, most elusive bit of creative writing i've ever attempted. I'm sure many of you must have similar experiences... I'm curious to hear how you have dealt with them.

Also, while i'm working on my response this weekend, please continue to comment and discuss this topic. And remember, as i understand it, it isn't just about Faded Blue, specifically, but about what works or doesn't work in a lyric, and it is about how to critique a lyric. I enjoyed the discussion on critiquing - because i am new to attempting to write lyrics, i am also very new and not always sure how to go about critiquing them!

We have been discussing meter, rhythm, and poetry vs. lyric quite a bit... but one thing that has intrigued me, that i didn't expect really, was the discussion on the narrator. Some found him downright cruel, some insensitive or pathetic... a few seemed to empathize with him more... With a short story, a writer has quite a bit of room to develop character, a poem still affords some room... seems a lyric is even tighter...

With a "happy" song lyric, it would seem easier to make a likable narrator... with a sadder or even downright depressing lyric, it seems a little trickier to avoid sentimentality or maybe creating a narrator/character that is pathetic, insensitive, or maybe the opposite - too sentimental...

P.S – sorry for further delays… I got to work extra early to hammer out a short initial thank you once I saw I had the green light from Brian… and our server went down, so I’m getting this not-so-short thank you posted here at the tail end of my lunch hour…