This is really great, very well written and performed (all around). A lot of talent here. You have a fine voice. This track is already album-worthy.

I wouldn't worry about making it more of a story or even shortening it. This song has a nice sense of place that supports the sketchy story weaved throughout, leaves something to the imagination. I enjoyed it as is. Some songs just take a little time. I liked the contrast between the more leisurely/paced verses and the faster choruses.

My only disappointment was no download button.

..ant

My albums "Rhythms of Life" and "Out On The Road" are on Bandcamp, Spotify and Apple Music.