JPF Home Page Forums Creative Arts Forums Creative Writing Forum Still The Best Mommy (it's taken me 40 yrs to write this*glyn)

Most of you know my mom killed her self when I was 17 and I had to quit school and take care of my 3 younger sisters, and I had to grow up really fast...I know this still needs work on it, but it's the best I can do for now with out totally falling apart, and with my health not as good as it should be, I felt it's time I wanted to share this with my friends and I hope some how, it can help others.....it took me 40 years to do this much...glyn

Still The Best Mommy

Hey, here I am again
I know I don't come here
as often as I should

I have no excuse, but
I do want you to know that
I haven't forgotten about you

And yes, I'm ashamed cause
I feel that I've let you down

Not one day goes by that I don't
think of you
the pain in my heart
still feels the same

Ican't imagine what you
were thinking of
or what kind of hell
you were going through

Couldn't you have waited
and let's talked it out
now you're gone
and there's nothing
anyone can do

At times I feel so bad
and I need to talk to you
So I come here and sit
as if you're really here

You've missed out on a lot of things
oh, how the years have gone
it's taken me all this time
to be able to put into words
how I really miss you and how I feel

How could you have given up
on all of us
It's the ones you leave behind
that you really hurt
and trust me, we have really hurt

Our lives have never been the same
Yes, you took you away from us
but, most of all you took
you away from you

I'll always remember that night
before this all took place
I was going out for cheerleader
and you helped me till I got
my cheer just right

To let you know I was the first one
the judges picked, but I had to quit school so I never got to cheer
Anyway, I ran all the way home to tell you
Seems I can't remember much
about the rest of that day or night
after going into the house...well I backed out until I fell offf the porch and I remember someone screaming, the worst scream i'd ever hear in my whole life...took me awhile to realize...it was me....

Sometimes I wish you could have seen
how that day went down
the way it affected each of us
at first all we could do was scream

Did you play it out in your mind
how we would scream and cry
did you imaging our faces
could you see the pain and terror in our eyes

Or did you think at all

All I can come up with is
that you were going through
something so painful
you couldn't talk to anyone
and you did what you thought you had to do

It's taken me all these years to tell you how I feel
not one day goes by the I don't call your name
Tell you out loud
Mommy, I love you
and in my heart, you will always be
The Bestest Mommy Of All

I hope somehow
you can hear me now
and that this will ease your pain
and forever make you smile

I never got to tell you what you meant to me
I'll always love you
wish i could have said good-bye
but at least I'm telling you now

you always called me Glyndale and would ask me to sing to you
Well, after you died, I put all my songs and stuff in a box, and never sang another word, put all this up to never to opened again.

It took me most 40 years to open that box, now everything
I write, and all I do
Is for you
and to leave your grandchildren, that never
got to know your smiles and laughs and how you nose laughed too..
and how you'd make mud pies sitting right next to me
even into my teens....


well this is the best I can do for now, just know that you're thought of every single day...and you are loved more than you could have ever known.....
written by your glyndale