Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.
By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
Most of you know my mom killed her self when I was 17 and I had to quit school and take care of my 3 younger sisters, and I had to grow up really fast...I know this still needs work on it, but it's the best I can do for now with out totally falling apart, and with my health not as good as it should be, I felt it's time I wanted to share this with my friends and I hope some how, it can help others.....it took me 40 years to do this much...glyn
Still The Best Mommy
Hey, here I am again I know I don't come here as often as I should
I have no excuse, but I do want you to know that I haven't forgotten about you
And yes, I'm ashamed cause I feel that I've let you down
Not one day goes by that I don't think of you the pain in my heart still feels the same
Ican't imagine what you were thinking of or what kind of hell you were going through
Couldn't you have waited and let's talked it out now you're gone and there's nothing anyone can do
At times I feel so bad and I need to talk to you So I come here and sit as if you're really here
You've missed out on a lot of things oh, how the years have gone it's taken me all this time to be able to put into words how I really miss you and how I feel
How could you have given up on all of us It's the ones you leave behind that you really hurt and trust me, we have really hurt
Our lives have never been the same Yes, you took you away from us but, most of all you took you away from you
I'll always remember that night before this all took place I was going out for cheerleader and you helped me till I got my cheer just right
To let you know I was the first one the judges picked, but I had to quit school so I never got to cheer Anyway, I ran all the way home to tell you Seems I can't remember much about the rest of that day or night after going into the house...well I backed out until I fell offf the porch and I remember someone screaming, the worst scream i'd ever hear in my whole life...took me awhile to realize...it was me....
Sometimes I wish you could have seen how that day went down the way it affected each of us at first all we could do was scream
Did you play it out in your mind how we would scream and cry did you imaging our faces could you see the pain and terror in our eyes
Or did you think at all
All I can come up with is that you were going through something so painful you couldn't talk to anyone and you did what you thought you had to do
It's taken me all these years to tell you how I feel not one day goes by the I don't call your name Tell you out loud Mommy, I love you and in my heart, you will always be The Bestest Mommy Of All
I hope somehow you can hear me now and that this will ease your pain and forever make you smile
I never got to tell you what you meant to me I'll always love you wish i could have said good-bye but at least I'm telling you now
you always called me Glyndale and would ask me to sing to you Well, after you died, I put all my songs and stuff in a box, and never sang another word, put all this up to never to opened again.
It took me most 40 years to open that box, now everything I write, and all I do Is for you and to leave your grandchildren, that never got to know your smiles and laughs and how you nose laughed too.. and how you'd make mud pies sitting right next to me even into my teens....
well this is the best I can do for now, just know that you're thought of every single day...and you are loved more than you could have ever known..... written by your glyndale
Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it... Professor Albus Dumbledore
Glynda, Your writing is very moving and full of your heart. Throughout, 'Still the Best Mommy', you ask the ultimate question of life, "Why"? Lifes answer is always the same, 'silence'. Your writing is not only a tribute to your Mom, but, ultimately, you. Thank you for sharing a most difficult and intensely personal part of your life.
Wisdom is not in words; wisdom is the meaning in words
Honey, only someone who's lost their mother could say it like this.....mine died from ovarian cancer, but the pain doesn't lessen because of a difference in circumstance....
Feelin' your pain, and reachin' out as only a real true friend can.
I am but one of many, so chill out and ride the wave......we're gonna be here for ya.
Co-Write Friendly.....Look at my blog on My Space.
I am so sorry this happened to you and your family. I absolutley agree though that writing it is good therapy and I also want you to know that pain shared it half the pain. You have so many friends here to share your pain, I hope knowing this helps to ease some of your pain:)
Sorry I Never came back to this to see thay you had left coments, now that Roy has done a song on it, I thought I'd go ahead and bump it....thanks to each of you...love you all...
Glyn: I haven't been on this thread since the last time I posted on it, way back when. I find it weird that I just today commented on the tune you posted on MP3, which references your post here. Ott
Yes, they both go together...the worst day of my life...when my life turned so upside down over night..and it's something how you can still preform in such a tragic situation, I didn't think of myslef, but of my lil sisters and what they were going thru... thanks for coming back...
Well I was going to bed, until I seen this in the shout box.
I never seen this before, and I want to say I'm sorry Glynda, that you had to go through that at such a very young age.
I don't know what was going through your Moms mind Glynda, all I can tell you is from my own experience, that when I'd attempted suicide, I was Mentally off the planet. I never planned it, never thought about suicide ever my whole life, or did I ever think that I would go to a place that I couldn't see anything else but death.
1997 to 1998 I was in and out of Psychiatric units, and it was hard on my children, and I beat myself up for a very long time on how it effected my children. After lots of counselling, I don't beat myself up, my ex was hurting me real bad, that all I could feel was pain, and I couldn't see anything else, but death.
When I read over the diary when I was mentally sick, and no that wasn't me at all, this is me, writing to you to see if I can help in any way, to give my friend some peace, cause your Mom did love you Glynda, I have no doubt in my mind, yep, now I'm in tears, and struggling to write anymore.
I've tried 3 times now to write a response to this and my lights have gone out...it stormed bad here last night, a big tree fell on the side of my house and they're here trying to remove parts of it till it dries enough for them to cut it away..
anyway i've had a long comment and keep losing it, so I guess i'll write it in long hand and when the light stop going off and on, i'll post it then...thanks glyn
Now I'm feeling a bit better, I really don't know if this will help.
To witness that would of been horrific, especially being your Mom, and you where so young.
I met two ladies in my old job, a friend of theirs had been raped when she was younger, she struggled for years, they helped her out on many occasions, asked me for advice, but one day they went to her house, to find her deceased, she committed suicide. Now both of them are under counselling. They both looked at me and said, Michele, how could she do that, hurt us like that, I looked at them both and said, (do you really believe your friend was thinking at the time, that her friends would be the one's finding her, also do you believe that your friend would ever hurt you on purpose, "they both said NO", you need to understand, she couldn't live with the memory of being raped any longer) she was tired of reliving it) and I just hugged them both and said I'm so sorry.
Growing up I remember saying it on a few occasions, how can someone suicide, how selfish of them to do that, leave their children behind, etc. But I tell you, after what I experienced, I realized that those who suicide are not in reality, the pain is just too deep to see anything else.
Glynda, do you really believe that your Mom who loved you so much, would traumatize her Glyndale, No Glynda, I don't believe it. Your Mom must of been hurting real bad on the inside Glynda, and I really feel for you, and others who have lost their loved ones to suicide, if only they realized the pain passes over time.
Today, I understand, and I know your Mom would be "Shedding Tears from Heaven".
You are so right over time the pain does get better, and actually when it happened it was like, well at least it's over for her, she won't suffer any more...
She tried this so many times over the years, I remember when I was little of them bringing her home for a mental hospital..she had been hit in the head one year before I was born ...a tornado came and she hid under the bed and parts of wood and metal were picked out of her head, my grandparents worked at the cotton mill and it tore alot of houses around them up pretty bad..I remember her always asking if her bald spot was covered up when sh'd do her hair...my mom was a beautiful...or I thought she was..so elegant, strong, a gorgeous woman..
She tried taking pills, well many things...so when she did this, I didn't want my lil sisters to go through feelings I had when I was their age, I didi't want them to hurt and be scared what would happen is she was gone..so I took over and did what I had to do..getting up before the sun and pick okra to gt their school clothes, I worked doing laundry for folks..$10 dollars a basket i'd wash and iron....got my sisters skates so they could go roller skating with their friends...
You know what I did back then...i'd do it again if I had to..yes, I grew up fast..but I learned alot back then too..
I hope my story and Roy's song will in some way help someone else....and I didn't think of not getting to do things myself, it was more of getting by, I guess...if someone wasn't home when my sisters went to school and there when they got home, welfare(what we called it then) would take my sisters and split them up and put them in foster homes...I couldn't see that happening..my oldest sister was in business college..so it was best for me to quit..I didn't think about it..now i'm no hero or anything..just did what I had to do....and it wasn't really as hard as I thought it would be..
Yes, I had my high school sweetheart and he came by and helped us alot too, then he went on and became a footall coach somewhere down around Houston, Texas. My grandparents lived down the road and they helped out..our church was always there..we had alot of support from the folks around town..
But, at first I hated God,how could he love us and let this happen??? Then I became to think of how selfish my mom was for leaving us like she did..then reality set in and I began to realize she was sick and not herself at that time, when I let go of all that...I was ok...and was able to help my sisters more..one of the doctors in town came out and talked to us many times on what happened..and so, see we had alot of support..
Sometimes I see things at work and I wish I could have talked to those families....but I guess that's life...
I'm ok today, it was so long ago now..I love Roy's song..sad, but it helps...
Thank you Michele, you are a lovely, talented lady and i'm so happy you are my friend...
Now I see the picture Glynda, thanks for sharing what happened to your Mom with me. You are a beautiful soul Glynda, and I'm very proud of you, and I feel honored to know you.
You know Glynda, it's like my Psychologist said to me, the best professional people attempt suicide, and suicide, Police, counselors, Doctors, nurses, it's like she said, something traumatic happens, and they just snap. I snapped, it's understandable, but now I know their is ways to help yourself, I went to hypnosis last year, and for the first time, I didn't relive being raped, and that was the biggest gift of life that she gave me, imaginable. I'm Okay.
As to medications, they made it worse for me, and I got through all these last thirteen years with out anything except counselling, my Doctor, family, friends in which helped me also.
I am going to go back to hypnosis again just before August, so to make sure I don't relive it ever again. It's the most scariest and painful feeling going back to that memory, and I don't want to feel that ever again.
It took me a long time to understand what was happening to me, senses of months, days, that I could of been at work, and all of a sudden I'd get a panic attack, or anxiety for no reason. But I know now it was for a reason, every time my ex traumatized me, or others would hurt me, my body would relive those trauma's without me even being aware of it.
After speaking with Glynda, I wrote a song based on her story and thought that others may like to hear it
Lyrics below
God Bless Roy and Helen
'The Only Love We'd Known'
My kids think I'm the best For them I know it's true, If you could hear my words mum I would say the best was you. I've stood by your grave Many times this 40 years Going over memories As I wipe away my tears.
Mother you took your own life Leaving us five girls alone We lost our greatest joy that day The only love we'd known
What was on your mind mum What hell were you going through I wished you had talked to me Was there nothing I could do Don't know why you did it mum What drove you to despair? When I came home from school I found the sheriff waiting there.
Mother you took your own life Leaving us five girls alone We lost out greatest joy that day The only love we'd known
I remember how you taught me mum To do the high school cheer I was rushing home to tell you I was picked from my jun'yer year But I never got to do that cheer, Cause I took your place alone Pickin' cotton in the fields, So as to keep the girls at home
I brought my sisters up As if I was their mum I tried to teach them Gods way In everything I done You called me your sweet Glendale, I'd sit upon your knee You loved to hear me singing Please sing again you'd plea
Mother you took your own life Leaving us five girls alone We lost out greatest joy that day The only love we'd known
Now I have grownup kids And some grand-children too We play 'round and make mud-pies just like we used to do I wish that you was here now, You would have been so proud Maybe you're looking down mum, From one of heavens clouds
I wish that you was here now, You would have been so proud Maybe you're looking down mum, From one of heavens clouds
'You Have To Kiss A Lot Of Frogs To Find A Prince'
We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.
"The least expensive/highest return thing you can do for your career, no matter what the level is, is to be nice and polite to people." –Brian Austin Whitney
and struggling to write anymore. 
