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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,199
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,199 |
Caroline,
that revision works better. Simpler story line, simpler setting is good.
"when you're through" may not be the best beginning for subsequent chorusi. That's easy.
If she said she wanted him to touch and kiss her that's more of a 2x4 between the eyes than a hint. Need a new word to rhyme with blur. Dirty girls flirt in church. Take your picks.
Have fun,
John
Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword never had an editor.
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