Droptine,

This is such a great song, and the melody lines in here are just breathtakingly beautiful!

I think your should really try to make this fly. It is sad and gloomy, but it sounds so unique, that I think it'll make it.

To set the story up just a tiny bit better, I would change the opening couplet to:

Wakin' up in your prison BED
Makin' coffee for HER, The Warden

That way, the characters will stand out more clear, and you won't need edits in the rest.

It would work great for tv/film as is, I think, but if you want it on radio, perhaps a change of pow from second to third person would be appropriate, so an artist could sing this, and still keep his/her integrity.

Great work!